Thinking about separating.... gulp, how do I find out if I can claim enough to survive

[jemjelly]

Title says it all really. I am feeling more and more like I should leave with my daughter (who is four) as my DH is suffering from severe contaimination OCD and making all our lives misserable. During the week, he goes straight in the bathroom after work and stays in the shower 5 or 6 hours each night until 10pm or 11pm (I basically don't see him as I am usually in bed by the time he emerges) he also washes his hands/keys/everything he touches constantly until his hands bleed.

I feel sorry for him and intially wanted to support him until he recovered but he has been like this for the past four years and despite having therapy every other week he is just getting worse, he has a hair trigger temper and depression and I just don't think I can put up with the situation much longer.

Thing is we are already struggling financially and I can't see how I could afford to leave. We have a mortgaged house with hardly any equitty in it plus a secured loan and lots of other debt.

I work part time (17 hours a week) and only pick up £530 a month. My husband works full time but only earns minimum wage so both our salaries combined are barely covering the essentials such as the house and the food. We have missed payments on our credit cards as we can't afford them so my credit rating is shot, we have CCJ's.

I don't have any friends anymore as my husband alienated them all years ago with his temper and the whole wierdness of his constant handwashing evertime we go out. I do have family but they live 10 miles away and none of them would be able to take in myself and my little girl even as a temporary measure as they do not have the space. Plus I don't drive so even if I did more in with my family how would I get my daughter to school?

How do I find out what I would be entitled to if I did leave him? I have never claimed benefits so have no idea.

Can't believe I am even thinking about this, we have been together all my adult life (well... since I was 15 actually) I have never even dated anyone else and thought we would be happy forever.

Bless you jem, he has a massive problem doesn't he?
Have you told him that this is how you are feeling or are you scared of his temper?
You can go to the council for support and advice regarding housing - be prepared though that because you have a mortgaged property they may not want to help - unless of course his "hairtrigger temper" is another way of saying he is abusive in which case I'd suggest contacting Women's Aid.

You'd have your salary if you left
You'd get some extra tax credit
you'd possibly be entitled to housing and council tax benefit but to be honest what you really need is a benefits advisor who knows how it all works for someone in your situation.

Sorry I can't be more help, I am sure others here have more knowledge than me.

Try this site it will give you an idea of what you may be entitled to.

Thanks Cod - I have threatened to leave him lots of times but never gone through with it because I think I do still love him deep down and want him to get better. I tried to tell him how I was feeling last night as we were both calm but he just walked away from me, whenever I bring it up he just tells me he will get better but then nothing changes. He wasn't always like this and asside from his issues he is a good guy and loves me and our daughter.

His hairtrigger temper is just that, he is not physically abusive but he does say some really nasty things sometimes and can blow up over nothing. I know its just because he is frustrated with himself because of his mental heath issues but its very difficult to live with, I often feel like I'm walking on egg shells.

Thanks I'll have a look at that site later. I have to go now as I'm at work and my boss is back but will be back later.

I don't blame you for one minute for wanting to leave, but it sounds as though your dh needs a different type of therapy. Has he had cognitive behavioural therapy? It is brilliant for things like phobias and ocd.

Sorry you are going through this .

Bibbity is right regarding Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - it can be brilliant for OCD. I am glad he is not abusive to you - it must feel so frustrating to him - especially as he knows he has a problem.

This site might be able to help to because without any doubt you are caring for him and it might help if you could link up with other carers who understand the sort of issues you are experiencing.

Is he on medication?

Thanks everyone I'm back now, hubby is in the shower!

The therapy he is having is CBT he has had about 8 sessions now, one every other week and only has another 4 or 5 left. His therapist has told him he must just get out of the shower after 3 hours and then slowly over time get it down to an hour but despite H promising to do this he never does, says the anxiety is too great.

He is on medication but I don't think it's helping really. I have made him an appointment to go back to our GP to see if they can try something else. Sign...... Sometimes I just wish he would be more proactive and make these appointments himself but he leaves everything to me. I feel like I am a single parent to 2 children not one.