Pleeeeease help!!

[gems77]

My husband and I separated 18 months ago as we both grew apart and were no longer in love!
He moved out of our home and I stayed with our 3 children.
We carried on with our lives, I went back to college and he met another women quite quickly. I struggled with college a job and 3 kids and had to restart the course again.
He went on a holiday abroud bought a new car and moved into her 4 bed house around the corner from us.
He didnt seem to want to help out while I juggled our lives! I had to end my course so my dream to go to uni were all gone, work cut my hours and eventually I was out of work.
Losing my goal was awful but I had to stay strong for my children, make another plan.
Then I have the news he cant pay his half of the mortgage as he lost his job and his new one is part time hours. I asked him to have the girls so I could work and he said no he needs his free time.
Anyway now hes not paying anything Im waiting on sca to contact him but the calculation is aroun 20 pound a week.
My mortgage is going into areas and I do not have a penny to buy my children any clothes.
I have applyed to college to finish off my hairdressing so i can go back to work when my youngest is in school.
I got so angry I text him saying how selfish he was and called his new girlfriend a few not so nice names. I tried to be friends with her when they first met but she didnt want any of it.
He has changed so much and doesnt seem to care his girls are gonna leave their home anyway the texts led to them coming to my house while the girl were home and telling me to stop abusing over text and its not my house etc. I was so angry they could do this while girls were home and for some reason he was offering me outside. We got into a slanging match that led to the embarrassment of a street brawl. I have never experienced this in my life and hate this has happened. I shouldnt of bad mouthed them but he sits back and even to the point of putting the house up for sale he wont help get the house in shape for it to sell. He says he doesnt have time.
His sister is now bad mouthing me on fb and I feel like I cant stay in the area, Iv been looking for rented property but noone wll take dss. My mum seems to think if it went to court for areas on the mortgage the judge wont see us on the streets.
Do I fight for our home and stay in this area, holding my head up high or do I uproot and try and start a new life somewhere else?
I hate bad feeling and people not liking me. Im just hurt and angry he can sit back and let this happen.
Do I appologise to them so we can stay?

Hey just reading your thread and my friend had something like this happen to her, really awful. I do take my hat off to you as it is hard raising one child on your own let alone 3!

My best advice for you would be if your claiming income support, change your mortgage to interest only and they will pay that for you as they only pay the interest part of your repayments. just explain the situation and they are usually quite helpful.

With your ex, I would appologise and keep things civil. for your kids sake. If he says to you he cant pay CSA then make sure you go through them directly just to make sure its true. As hard as it is to have them living down the road you just need to bite your tongue and let him get on with it. Once things have settled down and youve cleared the air then ask about childcare etc.. if he is not willing to look after his own children they will see that and make their own mind up about him.

Just stay strong, dont give up just yet. Be the bigger person and show your kids that you are the one they should look up to.

Hope this helps!

Thankyou for you message.
Thankyou yes it is very hard!
I have appologised to keep things civil but no response. Im not sure his girlfriend will accept! Even though Iv not said one word about her Iv actually wished them well, that was the first time and I said some hurtful things!
Im not very good with bad feeling and her daughter and my eldest daughter have now fallen out and there has been lots of ranting on fb. It really is embarrassing and hurtful.
Iv been paying interest only and my mortgage compant say its come to an end and they cant do it longer than 2 years and I have to start paying capital which for me is finding £275 a month with his £80 I still cant find that. The mortgage has areas and they have said when Im 6 months in areas it will go to court.
If I worked then I dont get any help at all and will have to find full mortgage.
Thanks for advise it does help :-)
Can I ask how your friend handled the situation she was in. My family say I should hold my head high but its so difficult they have a bigger family and are a part of the local football club and know alot of people!
Where i live is small and I just feel so uncomfortable everywhere I go.

stop being angry it wont help. direct your energy to sorting out divorce and finances. ask GP for counselling .

you are responsible for your behaviour. he for his.
be the better person. dont brawl in street. stop posting on facebook.

set a good example remain calm (seethe to friends in private face to face (NOT on facebook) not to him/his family) .

see CAB about debts and talk thru options re the house

you can still sell it - you just might not get such high price but if you default and it gets repossessed you will lose anyway...

get divorced properly and sort out finances and contact arrangements.

I dont post on fb his sister does and his girlfriends daughter. As for the street brawl they came to me. He allowed that to happen.
I have appologised and have had no response.
I have to live in this community and its not nice with so much badfeeling.
Thanks for your advise i will seek advise from CAB

Go & see a solicitor & start divorce proceedings so you can sort the finances out. DO NOT bury your head in the sand else you will lose your home. If you are on dss you should get legal aid.

My friend chose to be the bigger person and kept her head up high. If you give in to them they win. People will always talk it is the way of life you can either chose to ignore it or get eaten by it. If i were you i would let people say what ever they want. If they see it isnt bothering u they will soon give up.

I would tell the mortgage company what you are going through and they might be able to put it on for longer if it does go to court then you can explain the situation and say that you asked for the extention with paying interest only until you find a job. if you go to court it is so that you can set up arrangements not for them to take the house away. trust me.

In the mean time i would suggest looking for a job and getting a childminder - they dont cost very much. I would also contact CSA again as paying £80 for 3 kids dont seem right to me!

Just do whatever you can to keep up. And if you cant then rent the house out to cover yourself and find a rented property so the council can help until you get back on your feet.

As soon as your ex starts talking no more money, then get yourself a solicitor on legal aid and take him to court. if he dont pay you the child maint correctly then he could end up oweing you alot more then he thought.

Iv started divorce proceedings.
Iv been on the phone to my mortgage company today and had to have a assessment done of my income and outgoings, Im hoping they will extend the int only term for me until Im able to work.
Iv also contacted CSA so waiting to hear off them, his wages are very low apparently. He lives with his new gf in a bigger house and I know she has money so I dont think hes in any hurry to change his job.
I worked a care worker and was paying out more in childcare than I was getting in wages. I am also responsible for full mortgage payment then as I dont get support.
Im going to college sept and hoping to work with a qualification. At the moment noone will employ me with no experience or qualifications. I do want to work, and I will one day. Im just hoping I can extend int only on my mortgage until this time.
Iv had a good cry today and chatting on here has helped so thankyou.
Im just hoping the bad feeling will die down now as I didnt get a response from my appology.
Thanks all for your support x