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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

ex refusing take DS swimming lessons and football on his weekends

19 replies

Happylander · 24/02/2012 15:46

My ex wanted contact every other weekend and I agreed with this and he agreed to take him to his swimming lessons and football lessons that I pay for. DS was going to both of these prior to split and really enjoys them. Ex is now saying he won't take him and is going for a contact order to get everything official. This is despite him not turning up on more than 2 occasions to see him and going on holiday over christmas with OW rather than spend any of his annual leave with DS!! I have now said that he won't see DS if he won't take him to these activities and as he has continually threatened me with court he can now wait until court order is in place. Getting very very tired of his constant threats now.

Solicitor has said a judge would rule that DS carries on going to both activities as they were already on place before ex left for OW. Does anyone else have any experience of this?

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bigbuttons · 24/02/2012 15:50

I don't sorry, although I have a difficult ex. Call his bluff, you are right, I'm sure your sol is right. The courts I'm sure would side with you. What sort of tosser would refuse to take they child to activities they enjoy?
Hope you get some more concrete advice, just wanted to ass my support

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bigbuttons · 24/02/2012 15:51

ass my support sounds interesting............
add my support

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ivykaty44 · 24/02/2012 15:56

No I don't have experience of this. I would have though your solicitor is correct with the fact a judge would look in favour of a child being able to continue their own activities when they are with either parents on an access weekend.

I hope the judg - if it gets to court- gives your ex a hard time

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Happylander · 24/02/2012 16:00

So do I. I just text the Ex to ask whether he has put contact order into family court where we (ds and I) live and he said he wasn't putting it in there but in another court. I replied saying I think you need to put it into local court. He replied 'you can think all you like' WTF! He does not even know that he has to process it where DS and I live. I just want it sorted as quickly as possible.

On a good note the more of a tosser Ex is the more relieved I am that the idiot walked out. OW is welcome to him

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SoupDragon · 24/02/2012 16:02

I agree - from experience the courts feel that the children's activities have priority.

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Collaborate · 04/03/2012 00:00

I would suggest a different approach. Start contact after football, and after swimming. You take him instead. I think a court is likely to make contact over the whole of the weekend conditional upon him being taken to these activities, but it's punishing the child to stop all contact.

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Happylander · 04/03/2012 19:55

I have been reading the book recommended by some posters on here called the guide for separated parents putting your children first and it has changed my approach a bit. I have said he can stop the football but that I am not stopping the swimming and if he doesn't want to take him then he can see him afterwards. He is still taking me to court though to get what he is already getting so I am very confused by that but it is him wasting his £200 not me. Although he is now saying he will take him to swimming and football?? I think he has plans that weekend and he knew how to get a rise out of me and knew that I would say that you can't see DS then although I did apologise to him the next day for saying this but he said he had already made plans and wasn't changing them.

I am trying to do it the right way but it is so raw and having OW shoved in my face is not helping me remain rational all the time but I am getting there and that booked helped.

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glasscompletelybroken · 13/03/2012 11:53

it does sound as if your ex is just being difficult here but I would say - looking at it from a different perspective - it's very hard when you are seperated and have contact and your ex appears to be controlling what happens during that contact. I agree it would be good for your DS to carry on with his activities but not at the expense of his relationship with his dad or anything his dad might want to do with him.

If his dad only has him every other weekend he won't want a lot of that time taken up with activities you have arranged for him. If you both have PR then what your ex does when your ds is with him is up to him surely?

Having contact set out in a court order will be good for you and your ds so I would welcome that. If your ex does let your ds down by not being available for the stipulated contact then it just looks bad for him if you have a real battle at some point.

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urbancowgirl · 12/04/2012 15:49

it is hard to respect your X´s view point when he doesn´t respect your DS need for stability and his own social life no matter what is happening to his parents marriage

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Mother2many · 18/04/2012 19:00

Like one judge said to me, "I can't make him be a good father."

My Xh will also not take the kids to events/places etc. SO, there were alot of things my kids couldn't be part of because of it! Sad...but that's the truth of it...

With Bible camp, I pay, and take the children and a few years ago, my Xh picked them up (his holiday started). That's fine...However, I didn't get anything back and now have to buy new sleeping bags!! (heavy quality kinds are expensive!) I have asked a million times for them, and nope... Won't get him to again...

Camp this year, I booked, and informed my Xh the children can't go during these dates for his holidays. As I don't trust he will pack for them, or return items.

Then again, I have a difficult Xh who won't even go to their school, concerts, etc.

You can't stop him from seeing his child though...that isn't right, as I am sure your child still loves his father!! jmho

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Happylander · 21/04/2012 13:52

I stopped the football and moved the swimming to the week as soon as a slot became available. I don't stop Ex from seeing DS. Ex fails to turn up when he prefers to get pissed up with OW or go on holiday.

He took me to court anyway as he then wanted me to drive halfway. Luckily Cafcass and my barrister persuaded him that he should back off on that. When it went in front of the Judge my barrister pointed out that I was offering more contact than Ex actually wanted!

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Parentknowsbest · 02/10/2021 01:31

Hi can I ask what thr outcome of this was as a friend is experiencing the same

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JustLookingforAnswers · 02/10/2021 09:11

Also curious to know how the hearing was and the outcome. I have my family court hearing this month x

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Brollywasntneededafterall · 02/10/2021 09:15

My exh used to book dc into anything and everything.. Judge told him he wasn't to make plans for the dc in my time. Even ds's football..
Relationship with the nrp deemed more important than friends /parties /clubs..
Ds went to football eow.. No issue with the club at all.
I would imagine the op's dc has left home by now tbh!!

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NorthernSpirit · 02/10/2021 10:12

I have experience of this.

The courts will view contact with the father as more important than activities.

There are a couple of statements that make you sound highly controlling in your post:

My ex wanted contact every other weekend and I agreed with this - they are his children to, you don’t ‘own’ them and you aren’t the more important parent

I have now said that he won't see DS if he won't take him to these activities - this is highly controlling of you (I don’t get my own way, if you don’t do as I say I’m going to bully & threaten you.

Solicitor has said a judge would rule that DS carries on going to both activities - this isn’t correct. My OH’s EW did this. It was thrown out of court. What dad does in his time he can decide.

Your EH needs to get a contact order in place so he isn’t dictated to by you. Contact is more important that activities. He sees them for what 2 days EOW?

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Brollywasntneededafterall · 02/10/2021 12:18

My exh unloaded a sports bag of ds's football trophies in support of ds's hobby - and the need for me to travel 50 mile round trip with younger siblings to maintain 3 x weekly training that was iny time.. Judge told him to basically stfu..

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Saladd0dger · 02/10/2021 12:20

My ex kicked off over activities and parties. The judge told him off and said he had to support my DD and take her to things she wanted to do

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RightOnTheEdge · 02/10/2021 12:28

This thread is from 9 years ago!
The son can probably swim and might be playing football for England by now 😂

The OP said she moved swimming to a week day and said he didn't have to go to football on the ex's weekend so how was she controlling?

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JustLookingforAnswers · 02/10/2021 16:17

Just realised it is from 2012! 😬😅

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