Issuing application for financial order or trying mediation AGAIN with reluctant ex. I don't know what to do and time is running out.

[Wisedupwoman]

Briefly: Separated and divorced a year ago. We have tried mediation but my ex has never disclosed his financial situation and my sol has run out of patience. She wants to issue application for a financial order as ex ignores all her requests to disclose and settle before court. I have received his CETV and I am asking for 50% of his generous pension plus the equity of the home as I earn less, and spousal maintenance until she completes higher education or until I remarry (not on the horizon). We have a 16 yr old DD who lives with me. We were married 20 years. I am borrowing the money from my DF for legal advice and will need to borrow more to take this further. There is absolutely no chance of a reconciliation (I divorced him for adultery) and I'm not interested in why he is dragging his feet but I really need to get out and move on with my life.
I don't know whether to just issue or try mediation again - the chances are he'll turn up for mediation and still not disclose. We have tried suggesting he doesn't disclose and in exchange he makes no claim on the home or the equity and he has just failed to respond in any way. So confused and worried about what to do.

I think you would be very lucky to get that in court to be honest spousal maintenance & all the equity in the house & 50% pension - does he earn a six figure salary?

He is a high earner yes. And he's younger than me and retires early on a protected pension. i know the courts will probably order less than that, but to be honest I just want to get out. My dilemma is about how much of the pot we'll have to spend just to get a settlement.

I think you are looking at three hearings if he doesn't decide to play ball which would cost approx 20,000 if barristers are involved. Has he ever said what offer he would be prepared to make?

Yes, he agreed to 100% equity and 50% of the pension with maintenance ceasing when our DD is 18. But at that point he stopped cooperating with the requests of both mediator and sol to provide a full and frank disclosure. Which makes me think that he never intended to follow through.

If you would be ok with that accept it - why not?

I thought whatever was settled as part of the absolute was the final thing. my sol said the only way to enforce / change anything would be to go back to court.

This should have been settled for you BEFORE the absolute which is why he is delaying it seems to me.

50% of his pension sounds an awful lot
Did you work at all while you were married? I'm assuming you don't have a pension?

RedHelen I did accept that, but then he dropped out of mediation before anything was formalised.

Gumby I have always worked. But my pension is nowhere near what his would be and we always considered his pension to be the financial basis of our retirement years. 50% is not unreasonable given how many years I spent putting my career on the back burner to raise our DD and work part-time so that he could pursue his career.

Hi, I am not solicitor but I have been told by three of them (long story but I changed early on in the process and also very fortunately have a solicitor friend) that I will most certainly be entitled to 50% of my husbands pensions. Nothing has ever been allocated during out 26 year marriage in my name for pensions, it has all gone towards him as that was the tax efficient way to do things. I have only every had part time jobs/raised the family,then worked in the family business full time in recent years. Life has always been about his career and earnings, and his pension. Hope that helps.

Thank you Spring. Actually I have made my decision. Tomorrow I am instructing my sol to issue the application for a financial order. It is, at least, a clear direction with a definable end.

Thanks to those who posted.

Good luck with it Wisey. It feels good to just make a decision doesnt it? FWIW I think you have made the right one. It may end up costing a lot but you've got to speculate to accumulate and all that. I too am going to use the generosity of my DF to pay for the solicitors.

Please come back and post on how you get on and we can compare notes.