Is entitledto.com usually accurate and a few other questions too

[desperatelyseekingsomething]

i wasn't sure whether to post here, or in Money Matters. I am a name-changer, have posted on mn before many times about problems in marriage because of dh behaviour etc. but havent done anything about it because I feel stuck/scared. Don't want to upset my dc mainly.

OK, so I have been doing some calculations to try and give myself that 'push' and I was wondering if I post them here, if any of you could say whether you think I will be able to manage, basically. I have searched on mn as to the 'how much do you live on' type threads, but of course it depends on your debts, size of mortgage/rent etc.

Situation: 2 dc, one of them with disability. Always 'acted' as single parent as regards childcare, housework etc etc, although dh always worked and provided financially, to be fair. The reasons the marriage has crumbled are his actions/behaviour towards me (not violence) and refusing to talk/communicate etc. ongoing for years.

Ive been on 'entitled to' and it has given me some figures - I entered my details as a single person with 2 dc. Our mortgage is around £75k, so around £400 pcm ish. I work during school hours (cannot work more due to dc needing childcare but being too old for a place in any of the childcare options, iyswim). ideally i need to run a car as my disabled dc needs getting from a to b, plus many other hospital appts etc at many different places etc.

dont have any other debts, just the usual average bills (rising by the day as for everyone)

This is what I have worked out using entitledto.com and my own estimate of weekly wage, but it does not take into account child maintenance from dh in case that doesn't happen.

Dla care 49.30
Dla mobility 19.55
Work 185 approx
Cb 33.40
Cct 161.91
Wtc 97.58
Total
546.74

Is entitledto usually accurate? If it is, then it seems plenty and so I feel a bit more confident about changing the situation but something has to change

Also, in the event of seperation, I would need to stay in the house: it has 3 bedrooms which I need for the dc, I would be unlikely to be able to get a mortgage on my own name because of my reduced earnings because of dc...yet he could easily take another similar sized mortgage on his good salary - which he is able to earn because he doesn't have to factor in the dc and their needs grrr! In fact, a large part of why he earns well is that he has been able to work away in the job he does, because of course he has no childcare issues. the good news there i suppose, is that it means there is no doubt I am primary carer.

What are my chances of being able to stay in my home until children are independent, based on the above? How does it all work in the event of divorce? When children are independent, happy to move to a small place on my own and split the difference but until then, need to house the dc (esp disabled dc who is likely to take a lot longer to reach independence).

Sorry its so long, thank you if you've got this far. Just looking for views/experiences/anything really. please be gentle.

Got to go out now for something but will check back later in the evening, thanks in advance.

That could well be spot on - it's roughly what I ended up with doing a similar calculation a few months back.

(incidentally, also did it to gain the confidence that I could manage on my own - 3 kids - upshot is that H moved out last night, although a 'trial' separation. I'm a name-changer too.)

From a friend going through this, it seems that you can include the benefits side when applying for a mortgage - you use the total household income, so you would most likely be able to take over that mortgage in your own name. Try one of the money-site calculators to see if you can.

Do you have much equity in the house? You would be awarded more than half if you have the kids the majority of the time. My downfall is that we have a lot of equity and I would not have the cash to buy him out - if the equity if small and you could buy him out, that would be preferable.

Sorry I don't have any direct experience, but hopefully someone else working through the process will help.

Thanks for replying PatsysDouble
~(only just seen this, I reposted in Relationships for more traffic) Sorry to hear you are going through this sort of thing too. Hope it works out in whatever way you want.

Yes we have equity to the tune of about £70k or so.

What's the verdict on Mesher Orders? Good or Bad? (have googled and only seen negative so far, but I'm thinking, if I can't get a mortage, it's an alternative to having to move the dcs)

Goodnight x

My understanding about Mesher Orders is that they try to avoid them - better to have a clean split - but are perfectly possible in that kind of situation.
Your weekly estimate equates to £28430 annually - you should be able to borrow at least 3 times that (a bit more as multiples are usually based on gross income, and your salary i assume in the list is net).
My friend didn't have any problem getting a mortgage with the Halifax using the various benefits as part of her income.
Can you let me know where your post is in relationships? I just had a look but failed to find it - would be interested in seeing what others have suggested to you!

hi PatsysDouble, thanks for reply

thread in relationships here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1334539-is-entitledto-com-usually-accurate-and-other-questions-about-marriage

be warned, it descended into being about relationship more than money !