Emotional Abuse Leading To Me Commiting Adultery

[MrsForgetful]

My husband is addicted to gambling and have had 3 years of hell. He's borrowed money to feed his addiction which has meant for the past year i have been paying EVERYTHING using mine and the childrens disability benefit money.
In 77 days for example he drew £5000 out of our savings. We have no savings now.

Average contribution from him each month has been £300.... we have 3 kids.
But to make sure the mortgage was paid etc i transfered all direct debits to my own account and put a stop on the mortgage to prevent him from accessing any money against the house etc. So all bills are being paid.

so...he then turned to sex sites...dating so called...just for frienship.

so cut a long story short...out of revenge i joined one too...and to my great shock actually met someone who is not a pervert.

having had my husband tell me how ugly/usless/disgustine/boring etc i am for years...i believed him...but i now have a person making me feel good about myself. I am not looking to this as permanent... but feel he's given me the courage to get out of my marriage. It feels lkike a stepping stone.

but its all the stuff about housing and kids.... i don't know ehere to start.

Hes at a solicitor as i type...i am seeing mine this week...i have been to council about 'tempory housing'... but they said unless 'i am unsafe' to go home...they will not speed anything up.

i just wish i'd left in march (which was what i nearly did) then i wouldn't have commited adultery.

I have been with him for 25 years... but cannot face another 25 looking over my shoulder and walking on eggshells.

I can understand what you are going through. I had thid with my Ex.. he would sneak off to eh Casino, gamble, win/lose and I was paying for the food with 3 kids to keep.

He was abusive emotionally and verbally and in the end (the last 3 yrs0 he became aggressive towards me. I had a fling with someone else,,, and Tbh it served him right I felt.

I would get out when you can... you deserve better and so do your kids.
If he treats you bad... there is always someone better.
Dont let him get his hands on ANY of your money ....you are very sensible transfering all that money.
Be strong, be firm and stand up to him. He is a no good, selfish, man.!

ok, so having positive attention from another man has helped you see that you don't have to stay with your financially (at the very least-) abusive husband

no judgement from me, and if you have seen any other of my posts you will have noticed I am very anti-infidelity

yes, it would have been better if you had ended your marriage first but...

please do follow through with this, and use it as the catalyst that gets you out and keeps you out

sorry, I thought this was the relationships topic where I am a prolific poster

absolutely no reason for you to have seen any of my other posts

I agree - you know you need to get out and this is your ticket, so to speak.

I had a similar situation with my ex (the infidelity part, nothing else)
I wasn't married, but I had no way out of the relationship (no money, no chance of moving out etc), but I couldn't stand being with him anymore.

I found a man who is wonderful and kind etc etc, and he ended up being my catalyst out of the bad relationship.

jellyvodkas
anyfucker
nickelbabe

thankyou all

i posted this today cos (ofcourse) my husband is being very nice to me now...promising never to gamble again etc.

but i know he will.

also...he is 'allowing' me to continue seeing this new man... but i have to have sex with him occaisionally too.....which i cannot do.

its like he sees me as a commodity- or a prostitute
(in the past he has used sex to bribe me ...saying that i can only have "XYZ" if i do "XYZ" in the bedroom first.

I am filing for divorce this week

good luck to you

you are soooo doing the right thing, love

don't listen to the empty promises

but thankyou especially to anyfucker

cos like you (before this) i was totally against infedelity (my mum had loads of affairs...used MY bed as a kid...and i was in the house sometimes)

I have been with my H for 25yrs...i was 44 yesterday

and in that time (up till 2 weeks agao) i had never so much as kissed or danced with another bloke...i even avoided going out drinking when we'd argued incase i fell for some chatup line or other when vulnerable.

so a month ago i'd have laughed at the thought of this...with disgust...not fun

but when i started talking to this man online...knowing all the risks of internet meetings etc.... we just clicked. We are constantly typoing identical messages to each other...and forever just as i send him a text- one from him arrives the same second.... and when we met...we were finishing each others sentances.

so i am adrift in the romance...and scared it won't last...but more scared to not try.

also...in my marriage.... it is common that if i don't speak...he will not for hours and hours.... and mostly when i do speak... i get 1 word grunts and occaisionally he will actually look at me...but when i met this new man... he looked at me constantly....and listened.

so...thanks againxxxx

anyfucker.... i did't know you were there!

Be careful though won't you ?

Don't jump from one bad relationship into another, because the new guy comes across as a knight in shining armour

There is no such thing

You need to gain strength of your own

I would actually recommend that you slow things right down with new man as you need space to work out all the practicalities of ending your marriage, as well as sorting out what you want from a relationship in the future

If you have only "known" your H in so many years, I have to say you will be a bit naive and may fall for the pretty words of someone who isn't right for you, or potentially a predator on the lookout for vulnerable women. Remember this bloke has been dallying with a married woman. That really is not something that is a great recommendation for anyone.

Just don't jump from the frying pan into the fire...look out for you and your kids with your eyes wide open

it definitely sounds like your marriage is over.

I do agree with AF about nto jumping from one to another.
(please bear in mind that I knew my now-DH for about 8 years before he "rescued" me. I knew he was a nice bloke.)

Also, you need to research moving out into a flat or rented house on your own with your kids first.

You will need to see a solicitor about the house, because you should be entitled to stay in it as the "family home"