Getting divorced - will i pay ex maintenance if daughter lives with him? He earns massively more than me.

[Wisedupwoman]

I am 7 weeks into separation, divorce papers have been served by me. Reason - affairs etc. No contact with ex, too painful and all trust gone. 15 year old daughter caught in middle, ex wants her to go to boarding academy in september which costs (he said he will pay and itends to stop maintenance to divert the money). she wants to go but i am against her leaving home so young and making decisions like this at such a difficult time.
If she were to go there, and spend her weekends shared between both of us, or if she decides she wants to live with him because he appears to be offering shiny future, will i have to pay him maintenance? he earns 3 times as much as me. any help would be so appreciated. so stressed i can hardly see straight.

Ok, there are a few different options/issues here.

First, you need to know that there is a distinction between spousal maintenance and child maintenance.

It may well be that you would be entitled to spousal maintenance from your husband if he earns 3 times more than you - whether you would be entitled and how much to would depends on lots of factors (such as length of the marriage, both your incomes, your needs and outgoings etc) which a solicitor could advise you on. It is not usually based on a percentage or formula, but on assessment of needs and outgoings. It is entirely separate from child maintenance.

Child maintenance is usually paid by the non resident parent to the resident parent and is based on a % of the payer's income (15% of net income for one child, although there may be a few adjustments to reflect shared care) regardless of the payee's financial position. So if your daughter were living with your husband, in theory, you would have to pay him 15% of your net income, regardless of your incomes. BUT this is only if he applied to the CSA - if he didn't, you are free to agree something else between you as part of an overall financial package.

If there is shared care i.e. your daughter spends her weekends split between you, the CSA has a very stupid way of assessing who is the "resident parent" namely they see who has the child benefit book. If you have it, then hang onto it!

The other thing is that your ex cannot legally stop paying child maintenance and pay school fees with the money instead - the two are separate. If he is bound to pay you child maintenance (or indeed spousal maintenance) and wants to pay school fees on top, that's fine, but he can't simply stop paying one to pay the other.

HTH.

Thank you Rollercoaster it really does.

We've been together 20 years, married almost 16. i'm in the home which has big mortgage and almost as much again in montly bills/expenditure. without maintenance, tax credits, child benefit and a bit of housekeeping from adult DS i would be £400 pm in arrears for my outgoings. so every penny is counting.
CSA advised about 15%. he said if i went there for more money, he would withdraw the 'generous in excess' financial proposals he has made. until sol has completed the financial statements he won't even look at these. so it's a waiting game. but he did say H can't divert money, like you pointed out.
divorce is a bloody nightmare.