Please help: Steps towards separation

[WhereamI]

Please can someone clearly outline chronologically the steps I need to go through to separate from a dh who refuses to separate? Do I first consult a solicitor or CAB? Do we have to pay for mediation?

What do you mean by separation - do you mean you want him out of the house or that you want to start divorce proceedings?

The CAB may be able to advise (their advisers vary hugely ime) but a specialist family solicitor would be a better bet.

If your house is jointly owned, you can't force him to move out, unless there has been violence or threat of violence or similar reasons which would justify you making an application for a court order (for an occupation order). Ownership and occupation of the house would be sorted out as part of divorce proceedings, however this could take some time.

You could start divorce proceedings at any time however, by filing on the grounds of his "unreasonable behaviour" or "adultery" if relevant. If adultery isn't relevant, unreasonable behaviour would be fine as there's a low threshold. It's usually best however not to just file a divorce peition without warning - it gets things off to a very bad start. It would be better to instruct a solicitor to write to him first to confirm your intention to file and to send him a draft petition to consider. Any decent solicitor would make sure the first letter is gently written and you would get to approve it beforehand. Normally, that is enough of a wake up call for a reluctant spouse to agree to separate as they realise you are serious. If it's not and he digs his heels in, then you can still go ahead and file a divorce petition at that point.

HTH

Thanks RCY, that 's useful information. There's no adultery..am not sure 'utter lack of emotional support' would be defined as unreasonable behaviour - even if I personally think it is. Yes, I would like him to move out but I suspected that there is no way I could force him to go - he owns half the house so I guess he has a right to stay. I will contact CAB and see what they say.

Lack of emotional support would definitely qualify - you'd heed to give some examples but unreasonable behaviour really is a low threshold which allows anyone to divorce anyone. I'm a family solicitor and I've seen petitions which include "unreasonable behaviour" such as watching the news too frequently, not supporting your career, not listening, living in a mess, not pulling their weight, criticising you in front of friends, making you feel unappreciated, etc - you get the idea! Good luck.

Thankyou - that's really useful to know.