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What's a reasonable level of access?

1 reply

noranamechange · 22/03/2011 12:47

My DH is wanting out of our marriage, i think he's depressed but he thinks its me - so stalemate. We're hopefully going to go to relate to discuss this.

I left last week to give him some space and apparently he quite liked it. but last week wasn't reality, he got to speak to the DC whenever he wanted.

What i'd like to know is what level of contact is reasonable? I don't want the DC in the middle of this but equally i'm not sure i can cope with him leaving and still expecting morning and night phone calls.

Are twice daily phone calls normal? how much contact?

OP posts:
STIDW · 22/03/2011 23:12

There is no standard arrangement that suits all families. A good starting point for contact or shared residence is sharing quality time at weekends and during the school holidays 50:50 with perhaps a night or two's contact or indirect contact by phone email etc during the week. If there is a history of both parents working and sharing child care 50:50 there is every reason for a 50:50 arrangement to continue.

It helps if you can put yourself in the other parents shoes and imagine how it feels to live away from your children and not see them everyday. In our case initially my ex visited almost every day or the children visited him but I think that was because he was lonely, uncertain about the future and afraid of "losing" his children. After a while when he felt reassured that he could contact the children more or less when he wanted he was more relaxed about it and after a couple of years settled to phone once or twice during the week of his own accord.

What separated parents need to take on board is that they will both be part of their children's lives for a long time and it makes it so much easier for everyone, especially children, if in the long term they can learn to work together or at least not against each other.

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