Where should I live post divorce?

[jayho]

I am currently in the marital home with our two children 2 & 6. It's a huge house I couldn't afford to run on my own. ExH proposes buying me out and moving back in post divorce.

My problem is I live in a small, remote village and 6 yr old attends village school. ExH is controlling and psychologically abusive. I moved 400 miles here when we married leaving friends, family, job etc. I have a good support network of friends now but they are almost all other mums with their own family responsibilities.

Do I stay here and buy or rent locally so the kids stay with their support network and near dad or move 'home' to look after myself?

I've tried hard to present this neutrally as I would really value responses unencumbered by my emotional angst...

I would take it gradually if I were you.

Perhaps rent somewhere near to the village school (and ex) to cause as little disruption for your children?

Once your DCs are older they will have to change schools anyway and you can then make the decision to move further away if you feel you need to.

I've been in this situation myself and know well the feeling of home-sickness - but it does ease in time. If you can build a support network for you as well - working locally, joining a womens group, toddler group - whatever you can - this will help and you can make an informed decision best for all of you once things have settled a bit.

I would agree about taking it slowly - the idea about renting is a good idea as moving from a large house might be a shock and often you'll need a period of time to work out what suits. Do look for a long lease - maybe a year as the last thing you will want is to move again.

I personally would stay in the area, to be close to the ex. Your relationship with him may have ended but the children still need to have a good relationship with their dad (unless he is abusive to them). Don't under estimate the challenge of trying to co-parent if 400 miles away, it opens up a major set of difficulties which last for years. A court may also ask that you facilate the contact so travelling 400 miles every other weekend could be a nightmare for the children.

I found life hard for 2 years after the separation but slowly I got my life back and never looked back. Good Luck