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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

please help - need to know rights!

11 replies

dammedeitherway · 18/12/2010 22:31

separation from dh is looking imminent. dh insists that we must stay in our flat together (he owns) until its sold (already on market - different reasons). i cannot live with dh once we are separated i cannot bear the though. we have one dd (14 months). i have suggested that he stays at his dads for a night or two, that i go to mums for xmas and that we make permanent arrangements after new year ie he helps me to rent a flat until this one is sold.

dh is adamant that we stay in the lfat together. can he insist on this? can i kick him out? please help

OP posts:
oldenoughtowearpurple · 18/12/2010 22:36

This is really really difficult. It's almost impossible to force him out; you can go but without a financial arrangement in place then it will be very difficult to force him to pay for a flat for you. I hate to put a damper on things but xdh and I lived together in the same house for 14 months while separated. Not a great experience. (DCs older and less portable than yours).

Why is he insisting you stay there together?

Have you agreed the childcare arrangements for DD?

oldenoughtowearpurple · 18/12/2010 22:37

ps - he doesn't own your flat. You are married, yes? and have dd. The court's priority is dd's wellbeing, and all your property is owned jointly. You own half the flat.

Original poster
dammedeitherway · 18/12/2010 22:43

i don't know tbh except that i suspect that unless i actaully/he actually leaves the property that the split will just fizzle out and we will make up.

i could go and stay at mums long term but it is 50 miles away and all my support/nursery etc is here. he could stay at his dads or his sisters quite easily for a few montsh with little disruption to him since he works away anyway.

a close friends thinks i should move out and start the process. i think she is probably right in thinking that once i have gone he will accept the split and make formal finance arrangements. he has already said he will continue to pay for various things plus give me the car but he broke down during this conversation and begged for counselling which i agreed to and which we have started attending. however there has been an incident this evening which makes me think the split is closer than ever. i am prepared to pack up and leave tomorrow i just dont want to stay away for more than a few weeks.

dd will stay with me mainly and sporadic access arrangements will be made around his job.

he is going on a course in january and will be away for 3 weeks. i am thinking if things get very bad i will change the locks then. can i do that?

OP posts:
houseproject · 20/12/2010 15:07

Hi,

Do you fear violence? If there is no threat then I would not recommend changing the locks. I think most people would hate to be locked out of their home, it's a horrid thing to do if there is no real cause (just that you want it over sooner than later). You and your ex do need to agree a separation - hard as it is but that is the best approach. You could go to mediation to help with the separation. Firstly you have to agree where you will both live - its really advisable to ensure both you and him have a home suitable for your child to visit. Then start the sale of the home. Do see a solictor but try to agree most of the finances and childcare arrangements yourselves and just use a solictor to formalise your agreements.

Resolution · 27/12/2010 00:29

You can't be forced out of the house. Your daughter's housing needs are the priority here. Why should she lose her home just because you are separating? It's not her fault.

Doesn't mean to say that you'll get the house as part of any divorce - you'll need to speak to a solicitor about that.

sungirltan · 27/12/2010 12:39

thanks - i don't want the house. i just don't want to live with dh until its sold. its been on market since the spring so it wont sell anytime soon. i want to live her with dd until its sold OR i want dh to help me get a flat in the mean time until we can agree on permanent arrangements. we find it hard to live toether as it is. dh will be surely even more irritating and selfish if we split. i just dont think its fair on me - let alone dd. dh insists we will be friends if we split. i dont disgree, we could be in the long term but not if i have to still deal with him every day in the house.

Resolution · 27/12/2010 18:26

Whatever works best for you really.

DontLetTinselDragOnTheFloor · 27/12/2010 18:30

Are you named on the deeds to the flat? If not, you should get a charge put on the deeds stating your rights to the family home. there is a form on the Land Registry website you can fill in to do this. It is free.

DontLetTinselDragOnTheFloor · 27/12/2010 18:32

I think its this one here. Home Rights.

sungirltan · 27/12/2010 19:05

thanks Don't - that might come in handy :-)

thereiver · 10/02/2011 20:09

why should he move out? go to your parents he could have custody if you dont want child to move

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