DH T1 hypos

[drspouse]

DH has T1 and a pump and Libre and his control isn't too bad but he's had a few hypos where he's been SO angry/refusing/just saying leave me alone I don't want anything. I'm not even sure they are hypos because he won't tell me (though I could check his fitbit).
Other problem is these are often just before a meal obviously and our DS has ADHD and is very aggressive and impulsive if he doesn't like the look of a meal (even if he has been looking forward to it if it doesn't look right - no visible difference).
DH can get very angry at this and if he's already low and angry he shouts as well.
I just don't know what to do for the best. Last night he got cross at DS (whose burger was "too small" aka exactly the same as every week from the same place) but then was sitting down not responding to me and when I suggested more orange juice said NO I DON'T NEED IT JUST LEAVE ME. I wasn't sure whether to call an ambulance either but I didn't think there was any point given how long it would take.
He's quite a big chap and I can't move him/force him to do anything.

Have you spoken to him about it when he's calm and in control?

The first question for ne would be being sure he is hypo. So you could check his Fitbit.

Them discuss with him when he's not hypo what you should do if he is resistant.

He shouldn't be having a ton of hypos on the pump and using the libre. If he is I'd syggest he discusses with his team.

He could set libre alerts for 5 or 5.5 so he can check if he's dropping and take action before becoming irrational.

I'm type 1 and this is why I chose not to have kids I can't control my emotions when low and have zero patience.

Can you discuss it with him when him when isn't hypo? Tell him how upsetting it is for you and DS. Point out gently that it's making DS more difficult at meal times.
See if setting the libre a little higher improves things.

BTW I think you should check his Fitbit. At least you'll know for sure if he's hypo, rather than just bad- tempered!

I did speak to him after yesterday and he said I probably should have given him some orange juice. He has refused before though. I didn't yesterday but I'm not sure if he would have refused.

I fear that our lifestyle since having two DCs, one with SEN, is more chaotic than it used to be, and getting older means his health in general is poorer.

Good point! His base state is calm and he was on steroids for another condition for a few weeks and boy did we know it.

Even if not hypo you still get the anger etc just a drop in sugar, even if normal, can cause it. Say a fast drop from 12 to 6 so I wouldn't just assume cuz he's not low it's not affected him. Being high also makes you feel rotten.

Sounds fun in your house

Type 1 for 8 years. I’ve never shouted at anyone during a hypo. I get irritated in terms of if I’m very dizzy and somebody is yakking away in my face and won’t give me the few minutes I need to ride it out in peace. He needs to stop using it as an excuse, he’s a grown man he should be checking his sugars regularly and making sure he has lucozade on hand to deal with them. ‘Selfish diabetes’ is a thing in my experience.

I manage to shout at the DCs occasionally without any excuse beyond "DS has thrown something at me or DD has shrieked when asked to do something minor" so while it must be nice to never have shouted, unfortunately we are all works in progress in our house @Cuppasoupmonster

That's interesting about the fast drop. I do also think he feels ill (but more unwell than angry though still needing to pay more attention to his health than DS' demands for immediate attention) when it's high so I'm not sure how to tell.

DH has had dozens of hypos through our marriage and he's never shouted at me or DD. I understand that they can make someone irrational but I don't think it's an excuse really.

He needs to have an alert for when he's starting to go low and deal with it accordingly before it starts to affect his behaviour.

I knew someone who physically attacked his wife when he had a hypo. He was mortified. Just because other people have never done x, y or z when hypo it doesn’t mean other people don’t but it does mean he has even more of a reason to control his levels better.

A few things to note: he needs to do a basal test especially if he’s always dipping before meals. He needs to set his hypo alert to something higher as pp said, I have mine on 4.5 but realise that’s too low for people with poor control. If you’d called an ambulance he would have to declare this to the DVLA next time he renews his licence (if he drives, obviously) so it’s very important he sorts it out. He definitely needs to take responsibility no one can help him but himself.

My DH also has T1 diabetes and can become very irritable/grumpy when low. It’s extremely rare he becomes properly angry ( and when he does he gets angry with himself for letting himself get low rather than at others) but it does occasionally happen when he’s having a really bad hypo. We have a system where if he’s being grumpy and I suspect it’s due to a low blood sugar I’ll take him a sugary juice/chocolate, tell him very calmly that he should check his sugars and maybe eat something, then leave it with him and walk away. No matter how irritated he is he will eat it if left alone. I’m the mean time I very quietly check on him periodically and just make sure he’s okay/not getting worse.

I find that if I keep asking or ‘nagging’ him about it that’s when he gets short and snappy, even though I’m only trying to help (which I understand to some extent- if I’m feeling really unwell the last thing I want is someone moaning at me to do something).

Also maybe speak to DH about his Libre - my DH’s is set to send him phone notifications whenever his sugars are out with his normal range, meaning he can act on it whilst he’s rational. It also means that I hear the notifications if they go off overnight (he’s a heavy sleeper) so I can wake him and send him to get a snack before it becomes an issue.

My best friend is T1 and I can tell when her sugars are going south because she gets very irritable and snappy.

That's a good point about leaving him with the drink/snack perks because he tends to argue back if I keep telling him.

Absolutely this. The RATE of fall, or rise, can be just as significant as the actual number at any moment in time. This is why the sliding scale used in hospitals is so rubbish (personal bugbear). One of the advantages of the Libre is it can track trends is this way.

Anger during a hypo is a well-known side effect. The fact that a couple of PPs have never experienced it (FWIW neither have I in 40+ years) doesn't negate the data. The advice from @PerksOfBeingRach is on the money, imo.

Thanks @PerksOfBeingRach and others. I find it hard in general when people say "but X condition doesn't cause Y" and I'm in front of someone for whom it does.
He has the notifications on his phone but I'm a very deep sleeper though the other night I'd got up to go to the loo and I heard it whereas he didn't so that was very helpful.

With his permission I think you can set up the Libre app on your phone, so you can keep an eye on his sugars too. Not sure if it’s still possible to do this though and you do need his consent.

One of my family members can be angry and aggressive when she is going hypo. So we do exactly like @PerksOfBeingRach and calmly say I think you might need to do a test, get out some juice quietly for her to take herself. No fuss, no questions, no telling her what to do, be quiet, and once she has had something to eat, leave her to get over it in peace. If we don't she gets upset or tearful, confused and angry.

My sibling and I can manage her OK - we've learnt this over a long time - but she reacts badly to people who mean well but are in her face and fuss around. She is probably also autistic which may be reflected in her reactions.

OP I have very tight control (hba1c 5.3%) and even I turn my low alarms off overnight and roll back over to sleep. I would never do that in the day but I’m awful overnight 🙈 it sounds like you’re really supportive which is brilliant but he does need to try and take some more responsibility over this (during the day).