I'm my experience consultants are taught to assume that all patients are unintelligible idiots, I'm guessing it is because some are and need to be treated like very small children. When you demonstrate that you are not one of those that's when the second part of your diabetes journey begins.
Speak up, advocate for yourself and the condescending attitude dissipates. It's life changing. I've been type 1 for 19 years. For most of those years I avoided clinics and consultants like the plague. It didn't do me any good. The abject misery that clinics brought me as a teenager pushed me to completely ignore my health for YEARS.
As a 30 year old I found my voice, started communicating with my team again but instead of passively sitting there being berated for a condition that only those living with it truly understand I chose to be brutally honest. It was the best decision I ever made.
If you are a parent of a type 1, I sympathise with you, I'm a parent and the worry that must come with parenting a child with a chronic condition is unimaginable. Please do not teach your kids to be passive, allow them to become experts in their own diabetes, one size does not fit all. When they are old enough and know their own diabetes encourage them to say "excuse me, but, no", even if that means saying it to you too. They know what works and what doesn't. Empower them to speak up for themselves and tell the doctors who only understand diabetes on paper that real world diabetes is very different. Many consultants fail to see that when they go into an appointment that they aren't the only expert in the room, show them. Advocate for your children so they learn to advocate for themselves. Sometimes it may feel rude but ask them if they have any concept of how it must feel to be for example 14 years old, at a time when all you want is to be the same as everyone else but are instead markedly different. Coping with an illness that you have very little control over yet walk into a place where you should be supported and are criticised because apparently you did something wrong with absolutely no leeway given for the many variables in diabetes that we have absolutely no control over such as hormones, stress, temperature. It is so damaging and absolutely no wonder that many teenagers "rebel" against their diabetes.
Burn out is real, clinic avoidance is real and it's not exactly surprising given how many people on this thread alone say it fills them with anxiety. Type 1 is not easy. It's not just controlling your own diabetes either, it's a million different things, including dealing with a general ignorance to the realities of living with it from both health professionals and the general public.
I don't know how to change it but I'd like to, currently people living with diabetes are twice as likely to commit suicide. That's horrifying!
Clinics and consultants are meant to be there to help, I would strongly advise not allowing the consultant to lead the conversation. Instead go straight in with what you are struggling with. They should be helping not criticising. As human beings they find it much harder to criticise any "failings" when you have already told them it's something you are struggling with. Diabetes care has come on so much in the last 20 years alone that there are now so many different treatment options they should find something that works for you.
Is it a bastard to live with? Yes!
Are you going to have bad days? Yes!
Is it going to make you angry? Yes!
Is it unfair? Absolutely.
Remember don't let the bad days outnumber the good, don't let the angry days outnumber the happy, don't let the injustice of it eat you up, ask for help whenever you need it, don't hide how you feel or shrug it off and most importantly do not accept judgement from anyone else.