DH - Diabetic Kidney Disease

[childrenwithneeds]

My DH (45 yrs old) has been diabetic for 25 years... we've found out that his kidneys are failing. He had extremely high blood pressure and that has caused these problems. We don't know how long he has been 'suffering' as he never had any symptoms. We've found out from the consultant that untreated his kidneys have 3-5 years but keeping him well the consultant said 'can add a few more years onto that'. Whereas the level of protein in the urine is usually less than 30, his was 820. As you. An imagine, we were both shocked.

DH I think is breaking down emotionally. He doesn't want to spend time at home with kids as he is worried he is going to snap and shout at them when it's not their fault, he's crying as the fear of not being there for them when he is older and he doesn't want to be a burden on me - he said what life would I have having to look after him and the possibility of him being on dialysis. He is saying he is a shit father as the possibility of he wouldn’t be around to see his daughters walk down the aisle in the future. I said he is not a burden and should not think like that. I hadn't even thought of that at all. He is spending time with a friend just sitting and talking but am worried for him. I don't think he will do anything silly or stupid in that way but I've been giving him space to accept everything and for him to clear his mind but I don't know what to say to him. I don't know how to help him help himself except reassure him and give him the time and space.

Any ideas on what I can do to help him or say to him...xx

Thanks

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's shocking news for both of you.

I don't have diabetes but I do have only one functioning kidney (and that doesn't work very well) so on my GP's and consultant's advice, I made some lifestyle changes: no alcohol, limit caffeine intake, drink 3 litres per day to keep flushing out my kidney (only water, tea and herbal or fruit teas count and it means I go to the loo a lot, but it's a small price to pay), watch my diet (low salt, low fat, watch sugar intake), keep active. I'm on blood pressure tablets that protect the kidneys (your GP will know which are best) and I have blood tests every three months to monitor what's going on. I've never been a smoker, so that helps too.

I've been following this advice for about 14 months now and while my kidney is never going to be great, my kidney function has improved and taken me out of the "next step, dialysis" zone. The blood tests confirm this and my GP is quite pleased.

Your DH must be devastated but please encourage him to go to his GP and get some personally tailored advice that will help him manage both his diabetes and his kidney function as well as possible. Good luck.