Hello,
I don't know how much detail to give. I am really struggling. My mum has been having memory issues for some time now, but things got worse late last year after my dad was in hospital for a few days; it seemed to go from forgetfulness to forgetting her parents had died, so a pretty shockingly rapid decline. Fast forward a few months and sometimes at night, now often during the day, she doesn't know who my dad is or thinks he is someone else (sadly someone who abused her in the past). She escapes, sometimes goes to a neighbour's or just wanders off. It's terrifying. Both parents very resistant to support and terrified she'll be taken away.
She is seeing a social prescriber in a week or so, and has had bloods (thyroid meds adjusted now), but there is a long wait for a CT scan and appt with a memory nurse. I don't understand why things aren't happening faster given the risk. Terribly some of these episodes were on the back of her thinking I don't like her or missing me. I love my mum and family dearly, whilst having a tumultuous past due to trauma and non-acceptance of parts of who I am. It has been hard to navigate connection, but I know I want to be there for my family as best I can be. I feel like I am gas-lighting myself into denying how difficult things have been in the past, like I’m a terrible person or something.
The most recent visit went well; if I didn't know she was so poorly I wouldn't have known, but a couple days later back to running off though some improvement to her mental health. She feels safe with me. Spoke to her tonight and she thought it was morning, so nothing drastic but things change rapidly.
I'm so worried about my dad; they are both in their 80s; they had me late due to struggles to conceive so I am in my 30s. I know it isn't young, but it feels too young to lose my mum in this way. She is the safest person in my family, and I feel so much loss that I likely won't be able to have deep and meaningful conversations, that she may forget me, that she perhaps already has at points but I've not been told. It's terrifying and really impacting my mental health. I hoped for my whole life that my parents would avoid this, after watching my grandparents go through similar horrors. I know it's pointless saying it's not fair, and that radical acceptance could help. I'm just feeling so XXXXing sad and desperate with the whole situation. I cry all day in-between life tasks. I guess it will improve or it will become the new normal - I just can't imagine coping with this immense grief, before someone has died even. I just want my mum back. and I want her to know my kids if we have them.
Thanks for listening.