I’ve convinced myself that I will get dementia like my poor mum and that maybe it’s started already and that’s all I can think about.

[SausageChipsandBeanz]

Exactly that.

My mum is now in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. She was diagnosed 8 years ago but was displaying some cognitive decline a good couple of years ago and tbh, looking back I think she had some issues for a while so all in all it probably started in her late 60’s/early 70’s and from all that I read about dementia the brain starts to show signs decades before symptoms show.

I help care for mum, it’s so hard watching someone you loved so dearly, someone who raised you and looked after you become like a small helpless child. She is now double incontinent and has to rely on family and carers to do most things for her (thankfully she can still feed herself but that’s about it).

I am 53 and have noticed that I don’t feel the same as I used to and am fretting this is the start. I acknowledge I am stressed, who wouldn’t be watching their beloved mum becoming a shell of a human being? I am also in perimenopause and that seems to have turned my brain to mush (can’t take hrt as it makes my endometriosis pain worse). I was diagnosed with inattentive adhd last year and research show this puts you at risk of dementia and I am also on low dose Nortriptyline for my IBS which is an anticholinergic drug and apparently this also carries a dementia risk - I feel my brain is doomed.

I try hard to look after myself. I’ve never smoked, never drink alcohol - I only drink water. I am slim, I exercise, walk the dog every day, do yoga/stretching. I try to sleep well as mum was a terrible sleeper and I sure that contributed to her dementia as it’s not in the family. I do all of these things but I still feel my brain isn’t like it used to be. I feel drained, I have lost interest in everything, wish I could learn and take in new things but my brain doesn’t seem capable anymore and all I want to do is just want to lay in bed. I can’t motivate myself to do anything, I feel kind of ‘spent’ as though I am done doing everything for everyone that I just want an easy life with no thought processes to deal with stuff but I worry this is all simply because my brain can’t handle or take on anything new because my brain cells are dying and plaque and tangles etc are building up. Why is my brain so wooly-headed and tired? Is this how mum felt? I can’t even ask her anything, she only says a few words now, she can’t hold a conversation.

I know that I can’t predict the future but I’m so afraid if dementia now - no I’m terrified actually, absolutely terrified. We don’t have dementia in my family, not to my knowledge so I knew little about this wicked disease but since mum’s diagnosis it’s all I think about. I certainly wouldn’t want a test to see if I will succumb to it but how can I shelve this thinking and feel vitality for the future and not darkness and worry?

It’s taking over my life.

I've had decades of issues with my gynae health and periods, only diagnosed with endometriosis and Adenomyosis two years ago, it's been a nightmare for years. My hormones and gynae health have caused me nothing but issues.

You've described several classic symptoms of depression. That affects your thinking, on top of the stress and perimenopause, and falling down the social media rabbit holes. If you can address all of those, you will be in a much better place.

There are non-drug things that can help with the menopause symptoms, even if you can't take HRT - get specialist advice on that. Talk to your doc about depression and about getting a carer's assessment. Bin TikTok as PP have said.

With no family history and with the measures you've already described to protect your cognitive health, your risk is pretty low.

The one other thing you can do really easily that will almost halve your risk is get the shingles vaccine as soon as you're offered the free NHS one (can get one earlier if you want to pay privately, but they're very expensive and the research is based on people getting the vaccination in their 60s or 70s so there's no evodence for extra benefit in getting it earlier). This prevents shingles, which is great in itself, but it also lowers women's Alzheimer risk by 40%.

Wow, I did not know that about the shingles vaccine, just looked on the Alzheimer's Society website and you are correct, I will be arranging that asap, thank you.

I am very depressed, I know, I just can not pull myself out of the funk that I am in right now. Yesterday my mum was crying a lot but she can't talk very well and so she couldn't tell me why...it broke my heart. I came home and shut myself away in my bedroom and bawled my eyes out, couldn't and didn't want to talk to dh or my dc, I felt so low and I couldn't even think straight. I must admit I spent the evening on TIk Tok, all nice things (recipes, music, funny cat clips etc) but still, I know that's no good for me in the long run. I need to find the strength of mind to break that habit (and my MN habit too!), It's because it's the simple easy go to for me right now, doesn't take too much brain power or energy.