I’ve convinced myself that I will get dementia like my poor mum and that maybe it’s started already and that’s all I can think about.

[SausageChipsandBeanz]

Exactly that.

My mum is now in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. She was diagnosed 8 years ago but was displaying some cognitive decline a good couple of years ago and tbh, looking back I think she had some issues for a while so all in all it probably started in her late 60’s/early 70’s and from all that I read about dementia the brain starts to show signs decades before symptoms show.

I help care for mum, it’s so hard watching someone you loved so dearly, someone who raised you and looked after you become like a small helpless child. She is now double incontinent and has to rely on family and carers to do most things for her (thankfully she can still feed herself but that’s about it).

I am 53 and have noticed that I don’t feel the same as I used to and am fretting this is the start. I acknowledge I am stressed, who wouldn’t be watching their beloved mum becoming a shell of a human being? I am also in perimenopause and that seems to have turned my brain to mush (can’t take hrt as it makes my endometriosis pain worse). I was diagnosed with inattentive adhd last year and research show this puts you at risk of dementia and I am also on low dose Nortriptyline for my IBS which is an anticholinergic drug and apparently this also carries a dementia risk - I feel my brain is doomed.

I try hard to look after myself. I’ve never smoked, never drink alcohol - I only drink water. I am slim, I exercise, walk the dog every day, do yoga/stretching. I try to sleep well as mum was a terrible sleeper and I sure that contributed to her dementia as it’s not in the family. I do all of these things but I still feel my brain isn’t like it used to be. I feel drained, I have lost interest in everything, wish I could learn and take in new things but my brain doesn’t seem capable anymore and all I want to do is just want to lay in bed. I can’t motivate myself to do anything, I feel kind of ‘spent’ as though I am done doing everything for everyone that I just want an easy life with no thought processes to deal with stuff but I worry this is all simply because my brain can’t handle or take on anything new because my brain cells are dying and plaque and tangles etc are building up. Why is my brain so wooly-headed and tired? Is this how mum felt? I can’t even ask her anything, she only says a few words now, she can’t hold a conversation.

I know that I can’t predict the future but I’m so afraid if dementia now - no I’m terrified actually, absolutely terrified. We don’t have dementia in my family, not to my knowledge so I knew little about this wicked disease but since mum’s diagnosis it’s all I think about. I certainly wouldn’t want a test to see if I will succumb to it but how can I shelve this thinking and feel vitality for the future and not darkness and worry?

It’s taking over my life.

I've had decades of issues with my gynae health and periods, only diagnosed with endometriosis and Adenomyosis two years ago, it's been a nightmare for years. My hormones and gynae health have caused me nothing but issues.

You've described several classic symptoms of depression. That affects your thinking, on top of the stress and perimenopause, and falling down the social media rabbit holes. If you can address all of those, you will be in a much better place.

There are non-drug things that can help with the menopause symptoms, even if you can't take HRT - get specialist advice on that. Talk to your doc about depression and about getting a carer's assessment. Bin TikTok as PP have said.

With no family history and with the measures you've already described to protect your cognitive health, your risk is pretty low.

The one other thing you can do really easily that will almost halve your risk is get the shingles vaccine as soon as you're offered the free NHS one (can get one earlier if you want to pay privately, but they're very expensive and the research is based on people getting the vaccination in their 60s or 70s so there's no evodence for extra benefit in getting it earlier). This prevents shingles, which is great in itself, but it also lowers women's Alzheimer risk by 40%.

Wow, I did not know that about the shingles vaccine, just looked on the Alzheimer's Society website and you are correct, I will be arranging that asap, thank you.

I am very depressed, I know, I just can not pull myself out of the funk that I am in right now. Yesterday my mum was crying a lot but she can't talk very well and so she couldn't tell me why...it broke my heart. I came home and shut myself away in my bedroom and bawled my eyes out, couldn't and didn't want to talk to dh or my dc, I felt so low and I couldn't even think straight. I must admit I spent the evening on TIk Tok, all nice things (recipes, music, funny cat clips etc) but still, I know that's no good for me in the long run. I need to find the strength of mind to break that habit (and my MN habit too!), It's because it's the simple easy go to for me right now, doesn't take too much brain power or energy.

Watching a parent go through dementia is heartbreaking, and it's understandable that it has made you hyperaware of every change in yourself. Stress, grief, perimenopause and exhaustion can all cause brain fog and make you feel unlike yourself. The fact that you're worried doesn't mean dementia is inevitable. Be kind to yourself and try not to let fear steal the years you have now. You're carrying so much, and you don't have to carry those fears alone.

Thank you.
I have some counselling come up this year and I am hoping I can work through my anxieties with them and move on somehow.

Get the Shingles vaccine called Zostavax. there is more and more research showing that it also protects against Alzheimer's. this is just a press-release version, but I know the most recent research in this area is even more positive

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/news/2025-11-18/promising-research-shingles-vaccine-treatment-alzheimers-disease

Other things you can do that protect against dementia include

• gentle exercise, walking / swimming etc
• social activities - attend a book group or social group
• cultural activities - no one knows quite why, but attending cultural activities like concerts, art galleries, museums etc reduces the risk of Alzheimer's. probably because it increases social interaction with other people which gives your brain a work-out and that helps. This book explains more about why www.theguardian.com/books/2026/may/20/art-cure-by-daisy-fancourt-review-is-culture-the-best-medicine

Taking these kind of active steps may help you stave off the worries and know that you have done all you can.

.

I feel for you OP.

I am currently reading this and finding it very helpful ( actually on audible and it's an easy listen)
The Stimulated Mind by Dr Tommy Wood. Someone on MN recommended it I think.

https://www.drtommywood.com/stimulated-mind

I forgot to add the link!

Thank you. I'll have a look.

If you have the attention span take a look at this talk
The doctor giving the talk nursed her own father through dementia, and describes the risk factors that people can influence: in song!!!!!
Dr. Helena Popovic - 'The Nutrition Link to Dementia'

And as above stay away from social media on the topic, long form only. For your brain and the information quality.
Best wishes.

Just to note that you wouldn’t be the only one to have surgery to get a Mirena fitted and removed. And if it meant you could have the eostrogen it could help ward off both Alzheimer’s and osteoporosis.

I know exactly how you feel. I think about it all the time too.

I've started following Neal K Shah on Facebook. Hes a US doctor that shares lots of research about memory and dementia. I've found his reels really useful. The main take aways seem to be eat a Mediterranean diet, keep friendships going, stay active, and learn new things.

You're right - genetics play a part and some of us might be destined to develop this horrible disease. But doing what you can to avoid it not only gives you back a bit of control, it also helps you to lead and better and happier life in the here and now ❤️

https://www.facebook.com/share/1BkE8Jjddp/

Thank you, I will look at that.

Unfortunately I can't have a mirena as I've had a uterine ablation and my cervix is now sealed from the scar tissue.

Thank you, that's really helpful.

I'm so sorry about your mum.

What you've described sounds exactly like perimenopause, though. The flat effect, sense of 'is that it?' is linked to decreasing oestrogen. Also brain fog and a kind of 'soul fatigue'.

(Sorry I haven't time to read the whole thread).

I'm also a care-giver to my mum with multiple medical conditions including dementia that was diagnosed about 6-7 years ago.
I'm in Canada (Vancouver).
We have been lucky because her doctor orders a brain scan every three years to chart changes; my mum was assessed at a specialized geriatric clinic to determine type; and sees a gerontologist yearly for monitoring, to review her entire condition and has proved invaluable in quarter-backing care needs. ie contacts specialists directly to ask for care plans, when my mum will be seen, what can she do to assist etc.
From all of these interactions I've learned a lot. Although, far from expert advice, I would do the following:
Speak with your doctor about all of your health concerns, make a list and detail the specific concern including any changes you or others notice. You will likely need to book more than one appt to discuss everything.
Ask for specialist referrals if you feel treatment isn't going anywhere.
Looking after yourself is the best defence for all illness and that's within your control: diet, exercise, rest, stress, social interactions, hobbies. Live a good life. If you do that and bring concerns promptly to your doctor, follow medical advice and advocate for yourself to ensure you get care then you are doing all you can do. Things just happen sometimes or due to a genetic predisposition. That is beyond our control. But, if you do your very best in everything else you can never have regret.
Depression and social isolation seem to be related to dementia as does low vit B, long-term use of anti-depressants, benzos or sleeping pills. But. And this is a big but: only a qualified medical professional can assess you, or anyone, and determine your specific healthcare needs with the risks and benefits.

I'm really sorry you are struggling. I feel you.
🩷💐

ETA
I tecomment joining a support group fir adult care givers and educating yourself throygh trusted sources. Two links for you:

BJM

Sorry, here's the other

My mum's mum died of pancreatic cancer at 60. My mum is in her 80s and has never had cancer. So you don't always inherit the same health genes as your mum.
I'm 55 and forget the names of things /famous people sometimes. I worry that's an early sign, but hopefully it isn't!