Restlessness

[AGoodDayToTryHard]

DM is 72 and had a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s dementia two and a half years ago. She is still at home with DS round the corner to keep an eye on things.

We have just this week found out that DM is throwing her rubbish into the next door neighbours garden. Apparently it’s been happening for months - they bought it and renovated the property around the same time that she lost her driving licence. I wonder if she used their skip to dispose of her empty wine bottles because she couldn’t drive to the recycling centre and it’s escalated from there.

On the ring doorbell we can see that she’s going out multiple times a day to throw rubbish into their garden. What can we do, when she lives alone?

I have put together a memory box and a fiddle box to take next week. We have found post it’s around the house sometimes help remind her of things and stop restless behaviours (such as turning off the fridge) but does anyone have any excellent ideas?

DS can’t always talk to mum through the ring doorbell at the time of her doing it, and she will of course be tidying up after mum. The poor neighbours sold the bungalow on instead of moving in, so soon it will be a new neighbour as well!

You need to find try to find a way to redirect her rubbish habit. You could try buying her a big new bin and putting it in her back garden, and show her that's where her rubbish goes. She will either latch on to that, or ignore it and carry on.

DS could also empty the rubbish frequently herself into the right place, so there isn't much left around to be thrown.

Aside from that, there is little you can do. Obviously apologise to the neighbour and clear it up when possible.

My mother threw a lot of her clothes away at the recycling centre for no good reason. We only found out because her friend saw her doing it. The behaviours don't follow or respond to logic so unless you are actually there at the time it's very hard to prevent it.

It sounds as if your mum is getting towards the point where she cannot cope with independent living so you will need to think about how to handle that in the near future. I'm sorry, it's hard.

Thanks so much for your sharing your experience @catofglory

I am looking into respite for later in the summer and have contacted her social worker for support with this. I have the feeling that once she goes in for respite, she’s unlikely to come out. I don’t know if DS realises this too though.

That sounds like a very good idea about the respite stay. And I agree with you, she probably won't return home.