Should I limit junk food for my husband with dementia?

[OrdinaryMoment]

My DH (79) has mid stage vascular dementia, is double incontinent and has significant mobility issues. I (72) am his carer and carry all our domestic responsibilities as well as his care needs.

Increasingly, he is getting more reluctant to eat “proper” food, although I do prepare meals daily as I still have to eat! He just wants to eat sweets, chocolate and crisps and has no “off” switch once he starts. I buy these things because he gets very stroppy if they are not available to him and life is easier and calmer if he can have them. But I worry that him eating multiple chocolate cars, packets of crisps or endless fruit gums etc (or all of these things together) is clearly not healthy. The amount of sugar and salt he’s consuming is of real concern.

At this stage of things, do I just give in and let him get on with it, or do I make some sort of effort to limit, ration or restrict his intake, which will cause other issues.

Life is hard enough as it is. Am I making yet another rod for my own back here? All advice or shared experiences welcome. Thank you.

It’s pretty common for tastes to change with dementia, usually towards sweeter things. I’ve only observed from the outside, but I would say that food that he will eat, can eat and which reduces stress and conflict in your lives, is a win.

Do you have any continence/constipation concerns, would be my only caveat?

I’d say let him eat what he likes. Physical health concerns are low on the list for someone with dementia.

does he still live at home and are you looking at a care home?

In your position I'd leave the guilt behind and do whatever makes your life easier OP.

Could anything be swapped fpr a slightly healthier alternative? Some of the crisps for popcorn for example?

Likewise I would let him eat what he wants to @OrdinaryMoment. Life is hard enough for both of you, without adding another layer of complication. We had the same with my Dad. His wife was very militant and it meant full on melt downs or Dad not eating. My view was if he couldn't eat ice cream and pancakes at this stage in his life, when could he?

Thinking of you. Dementia is full of tough decisions and trade offs for the family.

Don't look at it as junk food (even if it is)

See it as easily palatable high calorie density food - which it is. It is easy to eat, doesn't need much chewing and you don't need much of it.

The only issue I might have with crisps and fruit gums is related to his swallowing - does he have the ability to safely chew and swallow them without choking?

I think it's fine. You could do what a PP suggested and buy slightly more nutritious alternatives. At this stage, health is gone, there is little point to healthy living.

My dad is similar, although a bit younger. He is very thin not matter what he eats and always wanting to eat. Is your DH underweight @OrdinaryMoment ?

At this stage of life the only thing you need to concern yourself with is any immediate impact on health and wellbeing. People with dementia often crave sweet foods, or stronger tasting foods, and there’s no real reason they can’t have them. The only thing I would consider is if constant blood sugar highs and drops are affecting his mood. I would see if you can meet sugar cravings with more ‘nutritious’ foods (cake, yoghurt, milkshakes, custard, pancakes), or see if he will eat some more complex carbs alongside.

Are you worried about it from the perspective of worsening dementia symptoms due to inflammation? Or just from a general health concern?

If the latter, I would just let him eat it but if the former, whats the view of his treatment team (if indeed you have any support there)

It's so tricky isn't it? My mum had mixed dementia (Alzheimer's and vascular) and she was the same. It used to frustrate the hell out of me initially because I'd prepare nutritious meals for her but when I'd visit her, she wasn't hungry because other visitors were bringing her crisps, chocolate biscuits, sweeties etc and she'd eaten all of them.

I just had to make my peace with it though, because ultimately, as others have said, I had to accept that it was calories going in.

It was hard though because in a way I think I was using the food aspect (i.e. the food I was making for her) as a way of trying to control something that none of us had any control over. I'm not sure that makes sense! Sort of like I couldn't control the dementia but that I could do something to make it better or slow the decline - do you see what I mean?

Either way, I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope you have support.

My Nan who had dementia would eat a large multipack (24 packets) of Walkers crisps in maybe a couple of days. She’d forget she’d had some and just keep going. She was in a care home and honestly, we just kept her topped up. She was not overweight and the impact of a few crisps was not really a worry for us all. It was something she would happily eat when mealtimes were difficult at the home so we (and they) were happy for her to eat them.

I would honestly just let him eat what he wants. By the end of MIL’s life (also dementia) we were feeding her tinned fruit cocktail in syrup with condensed milk as that’s the only thing she would eat consistently and the calories were more important than anything else. She couldn’t feed herself by that point and would just refuse to open her mouth for most other offerings.

I hope you are getting some help and respite caring for your husband. It is a thankless and impossible task sometimes and you are a wonderful person for doing so.

We are currently doing this with our gran who also needs ft care now, we let her eat what she wants or she won't eat at all... currently she's going thru eating cake phase

I agree with many previous posters, let him eat what he likes, when he likes. My only concern is tooth decay - you don't want all that sugar to create a new painful cavity. Make sure he's brushing/flossing regularly.

My dad was the same, the Christmas before he died he got through an entire tin of Quality Street in 2 days (this was back when a tin of QS was big!).

Thank you so much for all the considered replies. I’m comforted to hear that others have experienced similar. I’m the polar opposite to him food wise and live on very “healthy” stuff: I cook all our meals from scratch with fresh ingredients and do my very best to make sure his nutrition generally is good, which is why it gets to me when he refuses, or picks at, a healthy meal because he’s full of junk!!!

I think I’ll just let him get on with it and see how we go.

Alzheimer's is life limiting, any food is better than no food. Having seen MIL waste away to skin and bones personally I would focus on calories over vitamins.

There is some fascinating new research on a keto diet for dementia but that’s hard enough for anyone especially your age (sorry! Things do just get so much harder for everyone as they age) mixing in dementia and I suspect it’s almost impossible.

My mum has had dementia over 25 years now so I do understand your situation a little. Very hard on you.

I'd let him have anything that gives him short term pleasure. I think it's common for dementia suffers to enjoy foods like chocolate and sweets. Well I guess we all do but they lose any kind of psychological barrier to eating them endlessly.

Just maybe try and buy the lower cal crisps and maybe get some nuts or dried fruit in there somehow? But it seems pointless to try and take away something he can still get happiness from.

My thoughts are with you @OrdinaryMoment, it's a difficult time for you.

My Mum has Alzheimer's, and is mid/late stage (I'm not sure of the definition). She also much prefers the sweet stuff to proper food. I have found she still likes carrots as the are quite sweet. Also she just about likes sweet and sour sauce so will eat that with chicken and rice. And things like bananas mashed with honey. Also rice puddings, cake, custard. But basically, the plan now is any food is better than no food and trying to get her to eat other stuff isn't really worth the fight.

Craving sweet and easy foods is extremely common in dementia. It's not a comment on your cooking, it's a shift in brain metabolism.

Gently - having been there with my grandmother, dad and stepdad - at this stage of dementia there's very little to be done and he's going to die of something. Quite a few of the alternatives are easier on everyone concerned than late-stage dementia. Healthy eating isn't a priority at this stage unless he puts on so much weight it affects his mobility and the ability of others to move him.

If putting on weight is a concern I'd try switching in a few sweet but low-sugar options (the ready made jelly pots or low sugar jelly with a bit of fruit in will almost certainly be well received). And regardless of weight I'd try to get a bit of protein and/or fibre in with the sugar to smooth out the glucose peaks and troughs, because they will affect his mood. But otherwise let him have what he likes and what makes it as easy as possible for you.

Let him eat what he wants.
Also at times he may not want to eat and that is also fine