My wonderful father in law was diagnosed with mixed dementia consisting of vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s about 11 years ago.
The first few years were slow in progress. About 5 years after diagnosis things started to get worse at an increased rate with him wandering off, getting aggressive verbally and physically then declining further where he couldn’t wash himself and became doubly incontinent.
My mother in law was his main carer and and me and my husband would take turns in going in to see him in the mornings / after work and then we would take the kids in the evenings and weekends (they are now 18 and 12).
2 years ago he went into a care home as none of us could cope anymore with having him at home, with all the violence, toileting and washing issues and not really eating or drinking properly as he couldn’t feed himself but wouldn’t let us feed him.
It came to a head after he fell at home and we had to wait 4 hours for an ambulance with him laying there with a broken leg and soiled himself but getting distressed and shouting then crying. Then social services got involved, came and did an assessment and said it was best and we agreed.
We cannot fault the care he’s had there, carers are so kind, compassionate and seem to have plenty of time for him and to answer any of our questions when we are visiting.
He’s recently had a chest infection, then an infection in a wound on his foot. And he had a fall out of his bed which meant he had to go to hospital.
Weve signed a DNAR which was heartbreaking doing it but it felt the kindest thing to do.
He has now refused to eat anything. Nothing mashed, nothing pureed. He will only drink water, tea or Pepsi. He doesn’t know who any of us, can’t remember where he was born. He no longer talks at all and just sits there bashing his side table with his hand.
He’s lost a significant amount of weight in the last few weeks. A hospital admission was tried to give him a drip etc but he kept pulling it out and shouting he wants to come home so we’ve as a family agreed to this for the time being.
Weve been told that if he doesn’t eat then he will die. How long this is, they cannot say. Could be days, weeks or months but that we are now treating him as end of life. He’s sleeping a lot more now and is harder to rouse.
I don’t know why I’m posting really. Just sad it’s finally come to this. Sad for my mother in law for losing her husband she’s been with since she was 17. Sad for my husband who’s going to lose his father. Sad for my children losing their grandfather.