Moving House

[livingthenotebook]

Parent has mixed vascular dementia, can still hold a conversation and has input, gets a bit forgetful but no longer looks after themselves, cooking, cleaning, self care, etc, other parent older and has a few memory issues, nothing diagnosed, but cooks, we have a cleaner go in, I take care of self care. A family member wants them to move out of the house they have lived in for 30+ years to be closer to her and me (only few miles away from where they are now).

What are your opinions/experiences positive and negative) of moving someone, who still has some capacity, to a new, smaller house.

I really need some experienced input, i'm just so upset over the situation and concerned it will knock her back, any positive experiences would be great.

If better facilities eg disabled friendly bedroom same floor as walk inshower with shower seat etc then move.
Put their things around ...they will forget they have moved and will think they in old house anyway

But...better going to care home? 24 hour support

Would they consider retirement accommodation? It's been very positive for my MIL.

It seems a bit pointless just to move to another house. It's a big upheaval, and may not be worth it if they aren't able to live independently in the nearish future.

Look after yourself OP - it's tough for you too.

It Depends.

What are your thoughts about the longer term for both of your parents, given the inevitability of them needing more help and care - can that be provided in their own home, will their home be safe for them and manageable, are they/you envisaging residential care for the parent with dementia?

Moving is very likely to trigger a decline, but staying might be worse.

What does DS think the benefits of moving will be?

Thinks they'll be closer for us to help more, smaller more manageable house. I wanted to get a housekeeper or get carers to come in to help

A few years one of them is going to end up in residential care regardless, I always said when they move it will be into a home, no in between, I've read a lot about what can happen when you uproot them.

I was hoping to get some peoples experiences of doing it

There’s no upside to either option, sorry, that’s dementia for you.

I’d move them though.

They’re going to get worse whatever you do. VD is unpredictable and it’s the strokes that cause the damage, not moving house. That might go well but we know it won’t.

With that in mind, I’d be tempted to control
what you can, which is their long term care - so move to a house that is safe, no stairs, rooms big enough to carry & hoist big slack bodies about, wet room, big loos. Councils tell you what works.

You’re effectively setting up, managing and hiring, maintaining, catering, financing etc etc a care facility - not a home, so do it now not later. You and DSis need your strength - this is a long haul.

Anything that makes this huge job easier to manage benefits your parents.

Does either of them have any contact with neighbours, local places, clubs, pubs etc.
If they do then how would removing these contacts impact?

They know the neighbours and have friends in the village, they eat in the pub, they use the little village shop