Hello,
First time posting on the dementia forum but I am so lost. My mum lives abroad and we lost my dad 5 months ago. The last 12 months of his life were a living hell. Mum accused him of having affairs and multiple prostitutes which were supposedly arranged by his physiotherapist through mum’s phone. At one point I had to call the police as she attacked him, he was already very frail. She would accuse him of crazy-making, as she said he would hide her things and then put them back to make her think she was going crazy. She has always been a difficult person (narcissistic traits).
Since his death, she has turned into a sweet almost child-like old lady. She’s been grieving and upset that he’s gone just like any normal person would. I’ve had no issue supporting her with multiple phone calls and going over the same conversations over and over. She refuses any sort of memory investigations or home help. I took her to the GP who said she clearly suffers from memory loss but they can’t force her. This means she has no outside support and I have no idea what type of dementia she has. She doesn’t hallucinate anymore since she was medicated for a psychotic episode about a year ago.
She occasionally talks about dad’s ’affair partner’. She says that he behaved very strangely towards the end and ‘you don’t know your real dad’ etc. these are things she’s said in the past as well when she’s been angry with him, he was the sweetest person I have ever known and extremely loyal to her when many wouldn’t have been. I have his mobile and reassured her there have been no phone calls to any unknown numbers on there (oh no but he used the landline!)
Today she appears to have reverted back to her old self and told me she’s glad he’s gone. That I don’t know who he really was, etc.
I don’t know how to cope with her if she reverts back to her old narcissistic self. I’m an only child. Help! How do you cope with hearing your parent speak so badly of your beloved dad?