My mum has gone

[SinisterBumFacedCat]

After 7 years of Alzheimer’s. I lost her this morning. Sat with her in her room waiting for Doctor to come and certify the death. Don’t want to leave her alone. She was my everything growing up, we went out dancing together, she was my friend. Alzheimers took her over and everything changed, I became the parent. She suffered horrendously with hallucinations that terrified her, I am relieved this part is over but it still feels too soon.

I want to say thank you to everyone on this board who has given me advice, support and a sympathetic ear to my venting. I have had some amazing advice and lurked on other threads, found nuggets of wisdom through urgent very specific searches on here. The best advice was “they might not remember who you are but they know how you make them feel”. That helped me a lot. Thank you.

Sorry for your loss, sending you best wishes at this difficult time, she sounds a lovely mum

So sorry for your loss. She sounded like an amazing mum. Sending the biggest of virtual hugs x 🫂🙏🌹

I’m sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss. I am currently sitting with my dad in his final hours

I am so sorry for your loss, but relieved do you both that her suffering is over. It’s an evil illness.

I’m so sorry, it’s tough isn’t it. I kept talking to Mum, I told her her Mum and Dad are waiting to take care of her now.

shes at peace now. You did her proud. When my dear old mum was at the end she told me that her mum and dad were going to come and get her. This was just before she stopped talking. So I do believe your grandparents came and took their daughter home too x

Im so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship pre dementia. What sort of dancing did she like to do?

CEROC dancing. We both went together. I went last weekend after a long break and told her all about it afterwards. She seemed to understand.

Ah OP, here's a big hug.

Lost my mum to dementia too. It is so hard to deal with (single working mum too).

No idea what that dancing is. I did ballet, African, modern etc. too old now, I just dance with the hoover now lol

Sorry for your loss xx.

I do get how you feel about it feeling ‘too soon’ even with dementia.
My Nan died with dementia in 2017 at 91 & it still felt too soon because after she’d had a long period with unpleasant hallucinations; she’d finally become happy and stable on anti psychotics (although obviously still living with dementia), & I’d wanted her to have more ‘happy’ time, sadly she died suddenly with pneumonia & heart failure which is very common with dementia.

So although she was a ‘good age’ I still grieved for her, and yes, I missed her too.

I lost my Mum too quite suddenly to a horrible cancer in sept 2023 & that definitely felt too soon. I nearly went crazy with grief. Things that have helped: several months of grief counselling (which its recommended you start 6 after your loss); planning a funeral with music that she would enjoy and beautiful pink flowers; making photo books for myself & my sister. But to be honest it’s not easy & even now I just feel most days like I just want her back with me.

Thinking of you @SinisterBumFacedCatx

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mum sounds like a great mum

My mum died 3 weeks ago. She had her third stroke (bleed) in 4yrs, and this one was the smallest of the 3, but left her unconscious. She had vascular dementia, and so in a way I’m relived she was able to go quicker than a dementia death would’ve allowed.

Even though the strokes and dementia took so much away from her, I still had loving interactions with her and I miss them :(

When I last saw her in the care home, she made me put my head on her lap so she could gently stroke my hair. It was hard to understand her most of the time, but we did have some lovely moments.

I’m glad she isn’t suffering anymore.

I’m sorry for your loss OP. I hope you have lots of support around you?

I also stayed with my mum at the end (by myself) and I waited about 40 mins for the Dr to come and certify her death. It seemed silly to me when you could see she was gone… but they have to do it….

I lost my dad at pretty much the exact same time last year as well. It really is rubbish.

Very sorry for your loss
Xx
Hopefully in time the recent memories will fade and memories of happier times will remain

So sorry for your loss OP. I am a carer for people with Dementia and watching them deteriorate as a fellow human is horrendous, I dread to think how it feels when it's someone so special and close to you. Sending hugs xx

Sending hugs to everyone who is going through this at the moment❤️

I lost my mum on 22nd November after a long battle with Alzheimer’s. This Christmas has been tough. I keep remembering things about our life together, keep thinking “Mum would love this”.

You sound like an amazing person. You were there for her, including in her final hours. Never lose track of the fact that she loved you.

My MIL reached the final stage of her journey just over a week ago.

Dementia (Alzheimer's + Vascular plus cancer thrown in just to add to her issues) probably started around 10 years ago, last 4 in a care home, but in the last year she had zero quality of life, didn't know anyone, hardly ate, couldn't have the most simple of conversations, there was nothing of her left. A simple cold type virus, probably brought in by the Carol Singing nursery kids, tipped her over the edge. (2 other people in the home died within about 4 days of each other).

She hung on for 4 extremely long days on a syringe driver and DH and I felt nothing but relief in the end. Our house is filling up with sympathy cards and we keep being messaged with condolences but we don't feel worthy of them as it doesn't feel like a 'normal' bereavement. That is unfortunately messing with my head a little bit as I keep thinking am I normal? Should I be sad as I'm really not, just relieved it's over. I've spent the last 10 years watching her fade away to nothing so guess I was preparing for the end. Still makes me feel like a horrible person though.

I lost my mum to dementia too. It’s like a double loss. I’m 😔 💐

You’re not a horrible person and the relief is understandable. Those of us who have lost a loved one to dementia will empathise, as many of us had similar feelings. I lost my mum about 2 years before she actually died so yes, relief that her suffering was at an end was definitely there.

Sending you my best wishes. The first few weeks are hard.