Mum’s anxiety about my labour

[Mitzington]

Hi all,

Any advice very much welcome! I’m 40 weeks pregnant with my first baby and really struggling with my mum who has dementia and is getting increasingly anxious about my labour.

She’s having daily anxiety spirals resulting in multiple 30-60 min calls a day to check I’m okay, which quickly move on to her telling me about how anxious and ill with worry she is. We’ve tried having my husband answer the phone but it doesn’t seem to resolve the worry and she rings me 2-3 times shortly afterward anyway.

I’m trying my hardest to understand it’s coming from a place of kindness and is made worse by her not remembering that she’s already spoken with me. I try to say how positive and ready I feel, and have even tried out a few positive birth affirmations with her, but I’m finding myself increasingly stressed out by the calls. It feels like telling her I feel okay isn’t the answer she’s looking for, somehow?

Our dynamic, even before she had dementia, was that I would facilitate her needs and care for her, so I think there is some fear too about the change itself as I become a parent. She’s frequently mentioning that she’s not getting out anymore, for example.

I’m worried for her and quite drained having to reassure her about my labour. Any ideas how to redirect her or help her feel genuinely reassured?

sorry your going through this, especially when you have a lot going on regarding your own personal health - pregnancy.
I would if you haven’t already check out the Alzheimer’s society site . Also they do have someone you can talk too. My sister has found them really helpful. Perhaps they will have suggestions with phone calls .
i have worked with and supported people with Alzheimer’s & Dementia it’s so tricky as to what to say and do with out getting upset and frustrated with a loved one. Whom is having real cognitive impairment .

l used to sometimes fantasise about having an AI chat bot of me to answer the repetitive calls. Not helpful I know.

I think it’s fine to put you first at this point. Can you not answer, or try a breezy ‘it’s all good but I’m sorry I’m busy now’ Sadly you can’t actually reassure her and solve the problem anyway.