Just lost my mum

[Well1mBack]

Hi I'm just writing in here to say that's my mum died after having dementia since 2016. It's been a horrible, hard journey but in the end she caught an infection in her care home which turned into pneumonia. It was a 3 day spell in hospital then back to the care home. I'm feeling a bit numb to be honest. I don't really know whether to cry or to just stare into space.

I’m really sorry for your loss ❤️

So sorry for your loss x

Sending you a big cuddle. I’m so sorry for your loss x

I’m so sorry, I’m sadly aware someone with dementia dies many times but no matter how long or how bad they’ve been sick it’s still devastating.

I'm so sorry
My Mum has advanced dementia.
I miss her so much

So sorry for your loss. Alzheimer’s is a terrible disease. I hope you have people to support you.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Was there a "last conversation " that you remember when they were themselves?

So sorry to hear this, I lost my lovely dad to dementia 18 months ago. Thinking of you.

I lost my Mum after years of dementia earlier this year. For me, the grief came in waves together with a sort of relief that the cruel dementia was over. I hope you can try to remember her as she was when she was well and I hope you have the time and space to grieve her passing. I’m sorry for your loss

I’m so sorry OP. Do tell us about her if you would like to. Much love - you must look after yourself x

Thanks so much everyone. I think, the last time my mum was really my mum was about 2 years ago. And even then she wasn't really, the dementia took all her sharp sarcasm and wit away and her brusque no nonsense attitude. Weirdly before she went really downhill she became very very cuddly and outgoing with strangers, which wasn't really my mum but was kind of nice in a way? The last few years haven't been great though. My dad wasn't coping at all, and I've got two v young kids, with my oldest who has disabilities so I wasn't able to share the load with him as much as I wanted to (which I still feel guilty about).

So two years ago she was moved into a care home. She was happy for the first year and a bit, but the last 8 or 9 months she's really just been existing, hasn't been able to really string sentences together anymore. I felt sometimes like I was visiting a stranger rather than mum. I'd ask how she was and she couldn't respond. It was so hard.

She caught an infection which turned into pneumonia and actually after dreading that she'd waste away as i had witnessed a few of the others in her care home do, she died after 3 days, fairly quickly. Which in a way I'm trying to see as a blessing. I go between crying and wanting mum back and then comfort and relief that she's no longer suffering or in pain.

Hugs to you. It’s so hard. I lost my mum to dementia and then pneumonia in November 2016 after probably 7 years of her not being herself. It was both heartbreaking and a relief at the same time.

Sounds like aspiration pneumonia my dad got the same and then sepsis, fought all of it off and then died anyway. Still proud he beat sepsis. The guilt is natural and part of the grieving process. It won’t last, I have no guilt now but consumed by it when he died. Was it vascular dementia he had?

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I lost my mum to Alzheimer’s last weekend, so I know what you’re going through. In my case, mum’s passing was unexpected, so I’ve had to deal with coroner, medical examiner and GP and it was a week until I could register her death.

It hurts. You feel numb, like it’s not quite real, but it still hurts. Hold on to the fact that she’s no longer in any pain, any confusion, she’s whole again.

Thank you and I'm also so sorry for your loss. The funeral was last Monday so I'm back at work now. I feel numb still, like it's not really real but I'm randomly getting upset. I was in the shops and saw Christmas cards and automatically picked up one that said to mum and dad at Christmas then had to put it back. I ended up crying and feeling a bit stupid in public. My work are letting me WFH so at least I'm not having to go into the office and risk crying there.

It also took a while to register the death so it felt like dad and I were in limbo for a bit.

It’s the little things, isn’t it? I had to have my phone on overnight for months as I was the main contact for mum’s care home. I still do that now, even though there’s no need to, I can’t bear to switch the phone off at night.

Mum’s funeral is next Friday. We also had a delay as her death was unexpected, so we had to wait for the coroner’s office, as well as the Medical Examiner’s office to give clearance.