88yo bedbound mainly eats sweets and sleeps - is the end near?

[anyonether]

My beloved grandma is spending most of her days asleep in bed, she only spends a few minutes sitting up. Eats a mouthful or two of toast a day, a glass of wine and small drinks of tea/coffee but mostly sweets. She can still get to toilet independently but also semi-regularly falls. She has carers 3x/day in addition to family support.

She doesn’t have any illnesses as such, but is increasingly weak and frail. Probably some dementia in the mix but not diagnosed.

It feels hard to gauge what to expect - might she continue at this level for a long time, or does this look like the end is relatively near? Only 8m ago she was being taken by wheelchair to garden centres etc and could walk short distances with aid of walker. But it’s now been several months since she’s left her flat. Only 2 years ago she lived independently.

can anyone with personal or professional experience help to prepare me what to expect?

Hopeful bump? Concerned about my grandma!

Sorry to hear about your lovey grandma.
no useful advice from me - just bumping for you.

It’s really really hard to know. I look at my 90 year old mum who is bed bound and doubly incontinent and needs help to be fed and barely speaks… but she’s been like that for two years.

The rule of thumb I was given was that if someone is deteriorating month to month, they have months left, week by week they have weeks left, day to day they have days left. I think it’s still hard to tell. I’ve had doctors tell me fairly confidently that my mother has about six months left (four years ago), hours left (seven days ago) etc etc.

What you've described is exactly my father. He's the same age too. He's been like this for over a year now.

Sounds like she’s getting enough nutrition and the fact that she can get up herself, sounds like her body hasn’t given up yet. My mother in law stopped eating, just drank sips of water for about 2 weeks, then she became bed bound and went into hospital and died 2 weeks later. My Dad’s health deteriorated after a short stay in hospital, he ate well for around 3 months, was in bed with carers coming in, the last couple of weeks he only ate half his meals, but still liked sweet puddings. He refused all food on a Monday and he died on the Thursday.

It’s honestly to hard to say, my grandma was about 8weeks of pure bed rest until she died whereas my Nan was years! If she’s happy and still eating hopefully shes plenty of life left!

My 95 yo mum passed earlier this year following a stroke at 88 which left her bed bound with carers coming. I’d been told that the final decline can take quite some time. She’d been having toast for breakfast, small sandwich for lunch then a small dinner but this gradually dwindled to toast, fudge and chocolate. Her GP made a home visit as I was worried- mum was given a prescription for meal replacement shakes to get calories into her and a respect form was completed. This was in July, around Christmas I thought things were declining, just very confused and sleeping, barely eating, tipping the shakes over. She passed 3 months later.

It’s so hard to say. My grandmother was the same, and lived for a few years. Old age and frailty is really hard when there’s no diagnosis/ prognosis x

Sorry to hear about your grandma OP. From my own experience with my late DM,who died 14 years ago,they can go downhill remarkably quickly. My DM was admitted to hospital because she wasn't eating and hardly drinking, and was becoming increasingly confused (she was 84). When she was admitted to hospital,she was conscious and able to talk. Within 3 days,she had slipped into a coma, from which she never woke up. She died 5 days later. Turned out she had kidney failure.

Thank you for this insight, and sorry to hear about your mum. It feels so hard to know what the next period will look like for her

Thank you, and also to everyone who has replied. I guess (as I obviously know) there is a huge range. I just wanted a bit of certainty/knowing what to expect which is futile I think. It’s sad to see them deteriorate isn’t it.

My grandma lived quite few years with severe dementia....sounds like the end though....I mean, it will be sooner rather than later

I’d recommend watching this video by Dr Kathryn Mannix from about 1 minute 20 secs in.
https://www.kathrynmannix.com/