Parent no longer recognises me

[B0D]

parent only seems to remember one child ( not me) and thinks I am that child. She seems to have conflated us. It’s very sad and difficult to visit, she benefits from the company but it’s very difficult and sad.

My heart goes out to you. It is such a cruel disease.
It's not personal.
Wishing you all the best in this difficult journey.

I am so sorry to hear that, it’s really hard.

I went through similar with my mum. Didn’t know who I was for the last six years of her life. Asked me once if she and I had met at school… devastating. I feel for you op, it’s so hard.

Its so, so hard. Do they 'recognise' you as that child or is it a reaction to prompting? When my mum had forgotten me (first she lost my name then later the recognition that she knew me), I found it was easiest all round to stop saying Hello mum its CMOT your daughter, and instead say 'Hello Daphne, I'm CMOT how are you' which didn't cause her any upset or confusion, I was just another nice lady at that moment. Bloody hard still

Oh, its so hard isnt it.

For six years, my mum had Alzheimers and didnt recognise me, until right before she died, when she looked at me, pointed at me and simply said - "mine."

Broke my heart.

Thanks for all the replies, everyone actually made me a bit teary. I’m feeling it tonight

i know it’s not uncommon but it still bloody hurts !

@Game0fCrones that’s so touching
@CMOTDibbler - she recognises my sibling when she sees me. She’s very happy to see ‘them’ so it would confuse her if I started to not be sibling, if you see.
Even looking at group photos she will pick out sibling and look at me saying ‘that’s you’ . She saw one today of me and was able to name it though saying “that’s Bod I think’ to me.
I feel so invisible

To my Mother I am either her long dead Mother, I think it’s the grey hair or her sister.

On Mothers Day I made the mistake of trying to explain I was her daughter hence the gifts, Mum shook her head, you can’t be my daughter you are far too stout.

That was a kicker, I wouldn’t mind but I am very slim for 56 🥴
I can sort of see the funny side now.

It’s very hard isn’t it.

To my Mother I am either her long dead Mother, I think it’s the grey hair or her sister.

On Mothers Day I made the mistake of trying to explain I was her daughter hence the gifts, Mum shook her head, you can’t be my daughter you are far too stout.

That was a kicker, I wouldn’t mind but I am very slim for 56 🥴
I can sort of see the funny side now.

It’s very hard isn’t it.

Double posted how odd.

@Game0fCrones so sad. I'm choking up just reading this

I feel like she likes the company but I could be anyone. Sibling would still visit so I wouldn’t be missed

I think all you can do is hold on to it not being personal. MIL still normally recognises my DH when he's not actually there (nightly video calls) but not when we're actually in the house, and seems to have split BIL into two people - one who cares for her (called "that lady" or sometimes "mummy") and one with his name, but she never calls him by his actual name. She talks to DH about his two brothers .

Its so cruel. The best advice we were given is that there is a stage when most dementia patients don't actually recognise anyone, they recognise how a person makes them feel- which is why people who make them feel safe and loved are mummy, etc.

if so, although I know it must be upsetting, you might find some comfort in the fact you clearly make her feel like you are her child, who she loves - even if she can't bring your name to the surface. She knows the essence of you.

(and also DH finds it hugely funny that she now thinks I'm her bossy sister in law, who she thankfully did like but sounds like an absolute harridan 😆)

DMIL asked DH how his mother was 😞

What PP said. It's about them recognising how you make them feel. It's not necessarily that they think you ARE sibling. It's just they recognise siblings name still and yours escapes them, so must be sibling because they feel the same and they can remember siblings name so that's the same right? No... But look for and cherish those sudden seconds when they know you and love you before they are gone again. One day that might be all of us an I hope to God someone does that for me.

My grandma only recognised my mum (always the golden child) but it was my aunt that did most of the caring as she lived much closer. One day they were both visiting and she said to my mum “it’s so lovely to see you instead of that horrible other woman”. Heartbreaking. I fear this happening again in my family and I feel for you @B0D 💐