Is this it?

[Vcal2017]

Hi: it’s me again, from Australia. My Dad is in a nursing home and has, in the last few weeks been prescribed Rispridone and Epilem for aggressive behaviour. I went to see him this weekend.
He was drifting in and out,was very exhausted. Tried talking but didn’t make much sense. He was unable to stay awake or respond really. I held his hand and rugged him up. Afterwards the nurses told me that it was ‘normal’ and that he is given those drugs twice a day at 8pm and 9am.
I thought I was witnessing him dying. He doesn’t seem to be eating or drinking much. My question is: is this the beginning of the end? I know nobody can say, but it’s a lonely lonely place to be and I seem to be a bit lost in it and unable to think of much else.

As you say OP, it is impossible to know if he's near the end.

How long ago did you see him and has he deteriorated significantly in that time?
My mother (alzheimers) was immobile, mostly asleep, and ate and drank little for months on end before she died. But she was not on these medications and every person will be different.

Do you have other family to support you?

Thank you. Yes my brother and I talk each day. Today the home emailed to say they were increasing his medication to 3 times a day and moving him to the ‘Memory Support’ unit, which is smaller and seems ( on the face of it) to have more staff. If he’s asleep 18 hours out of 24 and not really eating or drinking, surely that’s not something that can be done for the long term? I feel so powerless.

You are right that you are powerless. Last year I was sitting with my mother wishing it was all over because she had no quality of life. And I had the realisation that this is how it is, there is nothing I can do about it, she will go when she will go. Accepting that actually helped.

As your dad is asleep so much he will need little nutrition. My mother was probably asleep for a similar amount of the day. She would accept fluids and eat pureed food fed to her, but it was small portions and in the last few years she was very underweight.

I'm sorry, it is a shit situation. I'm glad you have your brother for support.