Help!

[Babycatsmummy]

I just want a little bit of advice and a hand hold if anyone can offer me one 😢

Currently going through trying to get a diagnosis for a close relative but I know nothing about Alzheimer's and always thought it was something that is quite prolonged, in the sense that symptoms and signs happen gradually?

My relatives signs have been there but over the last month things have taken a drastic turn and now they are hallucinating, hearing things, not eating.

Can this happen?!

Thank you x

They need to see a gp could be infection, dehydration or yes a deterioration in cognitive state.

They need a check up asap. You might find the Alzheimer's Society and Dementia UK helplines helpful.

Dad's GP and his carers always told me that Dementia isn't linear. The can potter along at the same level for ages, and then suddenly have a huge drop in cognitive abilities. Usually something like an infection or change, such as a hospital stay, can set off the sharp drop.

I'd suggest an urgent GP or nurse appointment to check for a UTI or other infection.

Relative has been for a GP check up an had bloods and a urine test - all was clear

Did the GP not offer any advice re dementia?

@richardosmanstrousers it's all a bit of a mess to be honest. She's in denial anything is wrong so it's taken us months to get her an appointment. Because she gets text message reminders, she cancels them all. We asked the GP to turn these off so they kindly did. Once the results were in we said please don't call her as she will put the phone down on you, call her son. The GP ignored this and called her and said " so tell me about these hallucinations". She went mad and indeed put the phone down and refuses another appointment.

The other problem we have is that until there's a firm diagnosis and she's declared not able to consent for herself, there's only so much the GP can share and talk to us about.

We are currently facing a huge problem as she decided to book a holiday and has gone off abroad. We tried everything to stop it but short of holding her hostage which we couldn't do, there was no stopping her.

Last night we all received emails and texts saying some really worrying things. I managed to get hold of her on video call and she was pretty much in some form of psychosis. We're trying to reach the consulate in the country they are in to try and get them home. It's all a big mess!

I'm my that sounds so, so worrying.

Did they book through a travel company? Can they provide any assistance?

Alzheimer's tends to be periods of no change followed by a significant change, then stabilises again for a while. It is hard to impose help on someone who doesn't want it but still has capacity.

She won't tell us anything, we only know which hotel they are staying at. She thinks that people have followed her from where they live and are trying to harm them. So contacting the hotel and asking someone to check on them wouldn't be ideal as it will matters worse having a stranger knock on the door. We have found a flight to get them home tomorrow but it's convincing her to come back. Her son is also trying to find a flight out to them as well but she will again most likely go mad. She's emailed the police back home multiple times as well now 😢

Who is with her?

Her husband who's unfortunately very hen pecked anyway so does what he's told and doesn't answer back or question her 😢

Being in an unfamiliar place can trigger a deterioration. We don't even bring my mum to my house anymore because she comes out with really wierd stuff when we try.

At least she's with someone. I assume they have insurance, so can organise medical care if necessary.

So he will just let her carry on like this?

It certainly sounds as though she has something worrying neurological going on that needs proper investigation. Paranoia and hallucinations developing in a relatively short time need taking seriously.

In the meantime, you have two choices

• you can try to get her back from abroad and into some medical attention. Given she hasn’t actively caused any harm to herself or others yet, and she is ferociously against any medical attention, this is going to be very very difficult. But at minimum alert the GP and the police and consider making a safeguarding referral (her local website, anyone can at any time if they think someone is at risk of harm). They won’t be able to do much but every little helps
• You can wait for a crisis, which will trigger outside intervention (be that gp, hospital, police, whoever). Obviously not the ideal route but if you have already expressed concerns then you may be able to catch things before they develop into the worst case scenario.

I’m really sorry, this must be a nightmare for you.

@Theunamedcat he's tried to get her to the drs, he's contacted social services but she won't even entertain the idea anything is wrong. She's currently messaging the family stating she's going to divorce him because he's not supporting her ( he's told her she's not well and they need to come home)

This was our exact worry but there was no stopping her. It was either she went with her husband or without and she's a pretty defiant person anyway so she would've gone without him!

Do they have insurance and is a Doctor able to see her?

We are unsure about the insurance. As it's something the Dr is aware of before she went away, and she's in denial, would it make her insurance void?!

If she's paranoid and delusional she needs a doctor to declare her fit for travel, which country is she in. Did they declare any medical history on their insurance forms. Who booked the flights and hotel.

It's probably a shit show from an insurance point of view. If she's in denial she won't have declared anything.

She booked it herself sometime last year AFTER she started showing changes in her behaviour. We didn't think anything to it as she can be quite snappy and controlling anyway but what she's experiencing now is way more than her norm.

We don't know any details apart from where they are staying. My brother contacted the hotel and they knocked on the door under the guise of offering clean towels to check on them. She apparently acted totally normal and said everything was fine etc etc.

@MissMoneyFairy they are in Turkey! X

The insurance may be invalid. If she refuses to come home tomorrow your dB needs to go out there if he Dan to see for himself, it could be all sorts of things that are causing her paranoia and she won't be allowed to fly if she is at risk to herself or others.

That all sounds very worrying OP.

What I would say about dementia in general is that there are different types, and that symptoms depend on where in the brain the cells are changing/dying.

My parents both suffered from dementia - very different symptoms, for mum it was very gradual deterioration of cognitive facilities, for my dad it was a lot more aggressive and he suffered hallucinations.

There is a lot of information available through the Alzheimer's Society (look online) and the NHS memory assessment centre (prob had a different official name) where mum was referred by her GP was also invaluable.

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice in respect of your current situation with your parents being abroad. If your mum is able to 'mask' (as in the interaction with hotel staff), she may be OK, but any episode on the plane could put her and other passengers at risk. It may well be that another family member has to fly out to support your dad in getting her medical assistance over there.