I can't stand it anymore.
My lovely mum was (is) my best friend, the person I always went to for chats, laughs and reassurance. We are very similar in nature and she got me. She has such a sweet and kind nature, never had a nasty word about anyone.
But Alzheimer's is taking her. It's been 7 years now and although she still recognises me she is going downhill rapidly and it's killing me to watch it.
I see my parents 5 days a week. Yesterday I took her to the eye hospital as she has many other ailments (breast cancer, osteoporosis, heart issues, cataracts and glaucoma). She was so confused in the big busy hospital and couldn't do most tests as it confused her. She is 82 but is so frail now, she looked about 100 sitting in that clinic. It broke my heart seeing her befuddled, bent over and so so old.
I've just come back from sitting with her so dad could go food shopping. I made her some lunch but then we sat mainly in silence as she has lost all conversation. She is still happy and smiling but is exhausted these days and spent so much of the time dozing on the sofa (although I did have The Golden Girls on as we used to love that in the 80's). I literally left as soon as dad came home because I feel so ill. I have a constant upset tummy, awful indigestion and constant nausea. I just hope it's from the stress of it all but I literally want to run away from it all. I don't know if I can stand watching her deteriorate to the end of this evil disease.
I know she's not young and she's had a good life. I know our parents can't live forever and I'm so very lucky to have had her in my life for 52 years but it is absolutely soul destroying.
How do you get through this kind of thing without it wrecking your own life (and health)? I feel so sick all the time.