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Dementia and Alzheimer's

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What to do for Mum?

2 replies

Vintagegoth · 09/02/2025 20:28

A bit of background first, my Mum was diagnosed with mixed dementia at the start of Covid after a couple of years trying to convince her to go for an assessment.
We are now approaching 5 years post diagnosis when she was given a 5 year prognosis.
The issue is that she is still living at home with DF as her only carer. He still doesn't really accept how the disease is affecting her and won't accept any outside help. I live far away enough that regular visits for care / hygiene needs are not possible.

Things have come to a head recently as despite not washing or changing her own clothes for months DF seems oblivious to it all. I have attempted to get carers support and the GP involved but he has waved away all help. Now it turns out that he has not been helping her with any aspects of her personal care. She has toenails that are so long and hard that the chiropodist could not cut them and they are curling back into her toes. DF's excuse was that he had not seen her with her socks off for 2 years. Then today I asked about toothbrushing and dental care. DF mentioned that she had been fussing with her mouth recently. I checked her mouth and there appears to be a snapped off tooth and then a black tooth next to the area she was fussing over!
I know this is neglect, but my DF does not seem to acknowledge that either he needs to do these things or get a carer to help.
I am so angry and upset for my Mum and don't know how to make DF listen apart from reporting him to social services.

OP posts:
Bannedontherun · 09/02/2025 22:55

you need to report this to social services. But you are not reporting him. He has no obligation in law to care for her, and will not be in any trouble, it is a case of having an assessment done and how your mother’s needs should be met. Your father can not dictate about that.

TinyMouseTheatre · 10/02/2025 22:04

Definitely talk to your local Adult Social Care. I've had to do it today over concerns for a relative. Your DM isn't receiving the care she needs and that's a concern Flowers

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