Dad declining pacemaker

[mrsbojangles2]

I apologise as this is off topic, but I can't find a thread for carers for elderly parents in general. My dad (84) has a long history of depression and anxiety. Had a breakdown 32 years ago. Is frequently irrational. Also has heart failure. The 2 challenges I'm currently dealing with are 1. Has been given appointment for pacemaker and is saying he won't go as can't see the point and worried about hospital infections. 2. House is too much for him but he's a borderline hoarder with 50 years of crap and I honestly think a move coupled with his anxiety would break both of us. Not sure why I'm posting. I guess I need a hand hold. Advice also welcomed. Thanks x

Elderly Parents
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https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents

As difficult as it is to hear, I don't think he's necessarily wrong to decline a pacemaker at his age. If you're concerned that he's not coping at home and don't feel he's listening to you, have you considered asking for a social care assessment to see whether he might listen to someone he doesn't have a personal connection to?

If he has cognition he can make choices for his own health and future, even if you don't agree with them.

Does he have cognition? If he does, then talk to him about also getting a Respect Form in place.

As for the hoarding. You've had some good advice above. It might be useful to talk to his local Fire Service to see if they will come and advise on the safety of his home?

If he has capacity, then it is absolutely fine for him to decline a pacemaker.

If he doesn't have capacity, then you need to get in touch with Social Servicrs and start putting support in place for all of his needs.

Is his GP aware of his hoarding too @mrsbojangles2 and if you think a move for him would cause you distress too, are you getting any support for yourself?

We found the local Carer's Hub very useful when DMIL had Dementia. They even sorted DFIL, who had been doing most of the care, out with some done Counselling.

Thank you everyone for your advice. He does have cognition and you've made some good points. Will take them all on board and check out the recommended thread.

My mum had a pacemaker fitted at 78. Unfortunately the wait while they admitted that she needed one meant that she had had tiny strokes and slight brain damage as a consequence. Long story short, but for four years the pacemaker has basically kept her in an awful state. She has no quality of life but her heart works fabulously. I’m not wishing my mum away, but I wish she’d gone before she had the pacemaker, while she was “still her”.

I think accepting he has cognition but makes seemingly poor choices must be hard for you to accept.

Will he go to the GP about his hoarding? There are some things the GP can do.

Does he get Attendance Allowance? It's based on need rather than diagnosis so it might be worth looking at.

And have you spoken to him about getting Health & Finance LPA in place? These will be useful if he does lose cognition.

Abs do look at getting some support for yourself