Advice please! MIL - worrying symptoms.

[Mozzy9]

I don't know what to do. My MIL has been displaying worrying memory symptoms for a while now. It's been brushed off as "menopause" but she is 67 now and definitely post-menopausal. Silly things mostly: forgetting where we're going on holiday, missing a birthday, forgetting names. However, it's becoming more noticeable. Recently she forgot how the windows rolled down in the car. Things like that. We've also noticed that she is getting angrier and more erratic in her behaviour and mood. She is also evidently finding it hard to follow certain concepts which are straightforward, i.e. the instructions which came with a new hairdryer. I've tried to raise it gently but always get firmly shut down by whoever I'm trying to talk to.

My DH knows this isn't normal but keeps putting off the difficult conversation. His dad and siblings... well I think they're just putting their heads in the sand.

Today things came to a head when she forgot to collect DC from school despite me arranging with her 3 hours beforehand. She was so upset and embarrassed that she'd forgotten, my child was worried and I was really cross (not with her, just with the situation).

DH doesn't want to upset the apple cart. I think by ignoring this we are making it so much worse for everyone in the long run and I have said I don't feel like I can trust her to help out with the kids alone anymore. I'm so sad about this because I love my MIL very much and she's a wonderful grandma, but I'm worried that the safety of the children could be at risk. My DH said I'm overreacting and that yes, she's displaying some weird symptoms but that's just "getting older" and "anyone could forget something".

I am struggling to know how to handle this. Any advice gratefully received.

I'd be having a very firm talk with DH and explaining that it is not 'normal.aging'. And that there are various possible causes that may be treatable but only if it's caught early. If the family continue to bury their heads in the sand they will miss that window and it will get much worse much sooner than it needs to.

Denial is not kind. Not to her, not to those around her.

You're not going to be able to change their opinions until something really serious happens sadly. They're all in denial perhaps understandably. All you can do at the moment is protect your children and don't give MIL any further responsibility where they are concerned. If you can't do it diplomatically they'll just have to live with it.
It's a sad situation and one I'm in myself with a close family member.

Have a read of Is It Getting Older or Dementia? That should help to understand better what's going on.

Another thing to consider is a deficiency, like possibly Vitamin B12. It's common for older people to be deficient in this vitamin and it can cause neurological problems including Memory Loss.

Would you be able to get DMIL to a GP by saying that you've noticed she's struggling and you think she months need a blood test just to see if she has a Vitamin deficiency?