What happens in this situation?

[Infracat]

My dad has undiagnosed dementia. He is also disabled. He uses crutches to walk. My parents live in a bungalow with an upstairs. The bathroom with a shower in is upstairs. My parents have always refused to prepare for getting old. They will not convert the downstairs bathroom into a walk in shower. Theres just a bath. My dads mobility is getting worse but hes determined to go up and down the stairs saying hes never had an accident. Its so dangerous and hes going to have a fall. But he will not listen. Or my mum. Do we just have to wait for an accident to happen? Or can adult social services get involved?

You could write to your dad’s GP, explaining your concerns. S/he won’t be allowed to tell you anything, but might call your dad in for a “check up” which focuses on these issues.

In my experience (grandparents with bathroom upstairs) it may take falls (plural) for acceptance of having help at set points through the day. Unless you want to be a carer dont step in to fix the issues, try to respect their view but get advice from adult safeguarding/GP. They are unlikely to hear the risks from you.

The GP is your first point to start on the dementia diagnosis. But ring or email adult social services where they live, describe the whole stairs bathroom situation and say you're worried it's not safe so you are requesting a care assessment.

If they agree it's not safe for him, the first step will be adjustments they can provide in the home, like grab rails and a commode for downstairs, and maybe suggest others you will probably have to pay towards like a stair lift. This may also open up the possibility of carers coming in. Do they own their house and do they have savings?

Once the balance and leg-strength goes they can fall while downstairs or while out and about pretty much as easily as on the stairs so I wouldn’t over-obsess about the upstairs-downstairs issue. In fact there is a bit of an argument for ‘use it or lose it’ with the ability to use stairs.

In my experience, yes, it will take a good number of hospitalisations following falls before the aged Ps, the NHS and social services will accept that they’re not safe at home anymore.