FIL dying

[weegiemum]

My dh's dad is almost 80 and had early onset Alzheimer's from age 68. For the last 5 years he's been in a care home and he got a phone call from his stepbrother yesterday to say he was on his way to hospital.

Dh is a GP and got in touch with the hospital to let them know of his advance directive, no CPR, no antibiotics, just compassionate care.

This evening he's been moved to the hospice on a syringe driver and he's got days left, if that.

Dh has decided not to visit. We're in Scotland, FIL is in Northern Ireland and dh feels very much that he said his goodbyes in November when we last visited (FIL slept through the visit). Fil's partner isn't coping very well but has her own son to support her and to be fair, dh is a single handed gp and can't get a locum at this time of year.

I'm doing my best to support dh, but he really doesn't feel like he needs much support. He's just getting on. He has a long, weird relationship with FIL and has always done his best. His db lives in Canada and has been no contact with his dad for 10+ years so dh will have to deal with the funeral on his own. Our young adult dc are aware and plan to join us at the funeral, though due to dh's difficult relationship with FIL and fils weird attitude to the kids, they didn't know him very well.

Thanks for listening. Just felt like I needed to sound off!

He is NBU. He will say his goodbyes at the Funeral. Hope it's peaceful for all OP.

DH lost his dad to dementia recently; he felt he lost his dad years ago and that his death was a release for everyone. Dfil had opted for direct cremation years ago so there was no funeral and DH had been poa for years so the will was relatively easy to sort out. So it has all been calm and measured and that was fine.

Thanks for your replies. FIL passed away this afternoon after 8 days on hospice care. His partner was with him and he was very peaceful.

The weekend will be quiet but from Monday dh will be busy sorting things out about the will and funeral. Our (young) adult dc are very pragmatic, he's not been himself for years and even when he was himself he was a very odd man and they didn't have much of a relationship with him. Dh is calm. Someone said to him you can be sad but not sorry, and I think that's where he's at.

I hope that it's all been east to arrange for you both and that your DH has been able to find a locum for the funeral, if he's choosing to go

I hope the funeral goes well
Though sad I find it important so a final goodbye can be said and you get closure

Thanks everyone.

The funeral went very well on Friday and dh gave a fantastic eulogy - I'm amazed at just how well he coped with it all. We had to go to NI for the funeral and our young adult kids flew over to be there to support dh.

Dh and I were chatting last night and he's ok, relieved that his father's suffering is over now and that he is at peace.