Revoked mums licence

[CheekySwan]

Had concerns about mum for a while now, repeats herself quite often and then some days not so much. My Nan and great auntie had alzheimers.

Mum let it slip last night she couldn't drive her car - dad got a bit cross with her for this faux pas. Said she needs to think before she speaks, I changed the subject but she did it again further down the conversation. Dad was forced to tell me what was going on. I had an inkling she had not been driving in a while. Anyway, she had a 'meeting' with some women from a hospital and next thing they have a letter from DVLA asking for her licence until she is deemed fit to drive. She is going for test in a month or so and Dad (delusional or in denial) thinks they will then give her the licence back. Said she was just having a bad week and should not have gone for any meetings. I knew this was coming but bit of a shock.

Not sure what to do next or how to approach this. Obviously dad wanted to keep it under his hat and said I am now the only person that knows. He is however significantly older than mum and I don't know how to broach the subject of power of attorney for her should anything happen to him. I have a sibling but useless and lives far away, and I know the last thing mum would want is to have her fate rest in their hands, me and mum are closer and i'm eldest.

Not sure what I gain to get from this thread, any advice or if you can point me in the right direction it would be appreciated.

Also, I am coming up to 50, can you request to be tested to see if you are likely to get this terrible disease? My mam has older and younger siblings and none of them have it.

Hi @CheekySwan

I think it's a good thing her license has been revoked under the circumstances. Does your Dad not agree?

Your Mum would have to be completely cognisant at the time of making a POA.

As pp says, do you think your mum has capacity to consent to POA? A lawyer has to certify the documents so you can't fudge it. The time for that may have passed sadly. If you think she can consent, it needs to happen right now. You won't be the first to be caught out this way, sadly dementia creeps up and suddenly it's too late.

It would be sensible to get one for your dad too as you don't know what's down the line, but he'd have to agree.

Re the testing, my understanding is there is only reliable testing for early onset Alzheimer's, for other forms of dementia the genetic lines aren't fully understood yet. You're not guaranteed to get it.

It's worrying for you but for the best if your mother isn't fit to drive. Definitely a shock but just think how everyone would feel if a serious accident happened and someone got killed.

We have a lot of Alzheimer's in our family, I can't advise about the power of attorney as our own mother refused to let either my sister or I sort it out. By the time our mother needed significant care/nursing home she was too far into the disease to give any consent, so we have to go down the route of guardianship instead, it isn't as easy but can be done by you if they get to the point they can't look after themselves nor give consent any more.

As for your own testing.... I have thought the same as you. Most of the women in our family on my mother's side have had dementia and I wanted to be tested myself. The problem is that the tests don't show anything until there are clear signs of forgetting etc., by which time you'll know there's something amiss anyway.
I paid a lot of money for 23andMe genetic testing, (not sure if this company is still going?) They are one of the few sites that do health screening as well as just genealogy. After filling in loads and loads of forms to say I wouldn't be upset or take them to court if I didn't like the results, they sent the health screen over (requires sending off a blood sample). Amongst other things, the results indicated I didn't have the gene that makes someone more disposed to Alzheimer's nor did I have the genetic disposition to early onset either, but I think I realised that (from dealing with relatives) already. It doesn't mean I won't still get dementia, and I still think, given our family's health history, it's likely. There isn't much else I can do.

I personally would like to know in advance but I am surprised how many people say they wouldn't want to be told. Each to their own.

Your Mum has to agree to and sign off the papers for POA not her husband.
You probably should broach this with your Dad though - as a way to put in place what their/her wishes would be should he pre-decease her.
You must have capacity to set up a POA.

Full sympathy for your situation having been there.

Be prepared your Mum may pass the DVLA driving assessment, my Mum with dementia managed twice but fortunately declined her third test.

All this despite repeatedly crashing and driving simple short routes for 6+ hours because she got lost.

Drove my sister and I up the wall with the risks to herself and others.

Re power of attorney if it's too late for that at least set up your own for your children now.

If power of attorney is too late maybe capitalise by applying for a full council tax rebate on the grounds of lack of capacity, might be a good taxi fund sweetener for your Dad.

Re power of attorney, she does need to know what she's doing and, when she signs it, the witness needs to be confident of that. But you don't need a lawyer for that - at least, we didn't a couple of years back.

What I did, to cover my own back, was make absolutely certain that MrG understood what he was doing and why. We talked about it a lot, then I took him to a local solicitor who went over it all with him (without me in the room) then left him alone for 10 minutes before going back and asking him to explain it. He then advised me to DIY it ("and save yourselves £400 in our fees") and there was no charge at all. But I had told him I was okay with forms - 20-odd years working in tax and probate will do that to a person.

I filled in the forms online, printed them out and we went to a neighbour who is a financial adviser <shudder> who did the witnessing. He just said "Remind me what you're signing, MrG" and that was it. It took weeks, possibly months, to come through but that was just because there's always a backlog.

I would recommend getting on with this ASAP, if you can, because a couple of years on I'm pretty sure the short-term memory isn't there any more.

There is no test for sporadic Alzheimer's, only the sort with a familial link (tends to be younger onset and a faster decline), which it doesn't sound like is the type present in your family

Thanks for all the replies. I'm not bothered that she has had her licence revoked, in fact i'm glad, i've thought for a while she should not be out on her own let alone in a car

I will speak to them straight after Christmas about POA. We sit and have normal conversations just she forgets she asked something or asks after the GC and then she will ask again, and then again.

The other day she went to make a cup of tea and came in with a tea pot, no cup.

If it is what I suspect, it's not very advanced, but then I know how quickly it can go down hill.

My dad, just annoyed he tried to keep it from me. But then I think he is trying to protect her.

@MeanderingGently thank you I will have a look at 23&me. I don't have much money but I am happy to pay whatever to get an inkling.