Living alone early Alzheimer’s at 60

[Whenthedayislong]

My good 60 year old friend has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, has shown signs over last 18months so not a complete surprise but it feels overwhelming and devastating.
She lives alone (divorced, DS first year of UNI) parents gone, one sibling with young family responsibilities )
What can I do to help her sibling and lovely son? I am so worried about her living alone and her DS feeling responsible and not completing UNI

Being entirely practical, is it possible to ask her how she feels about the diagnosis? Are there things she is struggling with where a helping hand would really make a difference? You are v caring to show such concern for your friend, and I wonder if it would be possible to attend medical appointments with her, and help to implement the advice given at these appointments? Is it possible to help accident proof her home, or arrange a diary for her so that appointments aren’t missed. Are there activities which will help delay the onset of symptoms?

The best thing you can do it to support them initially to get the financial and health powers of attorney in place urgently if she still has capacity to sign, you complete them online and you don't need any professional assistance but they need to he witnessed which you can do.

Another thing to do is to help them to consider the best living arrangements to keep her safe for as long as possible. Social services will assess her needs currently and can make recommendations, supporting her young adult son through this process will be helpful

It's hard but if I was your friend I would want someone to talk to me about what point medical care should be withdrawn. I mean how badly ill does she have to be with dementia before the stop treating infections and move to palliative care. People with dementia are often kept alive long beyond the point of having any independence at all and at that point they have no way to say "stop, I've had enough!". I think it would be a very good idea to talk about that while she is still able to. Also it would be good to make sure that she has a living place organised that will look after her so her son doesn't have to.

Thank you that is really helpful. My friend only
very recently had the diagnosis confirmed , have talked with her but she didn’t seem to want to talk about it in depth and I know she hasn’t made any moves to follow drs advice (finances in order, pip , DVLA) maybe she is in denial/ shock. I will keep gently being there and perhaps speak to her sibling (I know she would hate for her DS to have deal with practical stuff, he is only 19). Wondering if she is overwhelmed or maybe the list of things to put in place is too overwhelming for her to decide where to begin or maybe competing them is too exhausting for her. She has become very sedentary, getting up late and watching TV most days but still very socially active in the evenings. I am honestly most worried that she is going to ignore what needs to be done and wondering if that is her instinctive psychological response to the diagnosis or is a result of the early stage disease symptoms. Trying to tread carefully and at the same time prevent future unnecessary anguish for her and DS. She is such a lovely friend and I hope she would have had my back if this was reversed

To add, she has been advised not to drink and I don’t want to make things worse but I am sorely tempted to get a few glasses of wine out and see if she will open up.

am honestly most worried that she is going to ignore what needs to be done and wondering if that is her instinctive psychological response to the diagnosis or is a result of the early stage disease symptoms. Trying to tread carefully and at the same

I've not got experience of Alzheimer's, only Vascular Dementia but I would say that's probably the disease not the reaction. My exceptionally active DMIL started to watch the TV for hours not long after diagnosis. Before that I'd hardly ever seen her sit down. It wasn't the shock of the diagnosis though. By the time it got to that stage she was a bit past understanding what the consequences would be.

I'm so sorry. It sounds like a horrible situation to be in. Have you reached out to their DC?

Thank you, that is helpful. Her DS is coming home for Xmas break so will arrange to see my lovely friend at her home while he is there and then try to have a quiet word and at least exchange numbers and let him know that I am here and see if I can be of help in to putting some plans and sorting some of the paperwork

I think you've been given some good advice here. I would also add from my experience to draw your boundaries here because you can help if your friend knows what you'll do, if that makes sense. In a similar situation for example, I accompany a friend to appointments but I don't usually drive if it's a big hospital with difficult parking as that stresses me out (we get a taxi), I will help organise and file paperwork and ring places, but I won't clean or do personal care. I do some shopping if it's for Xmas presents, say, but don't do grocery shopping (I've set them up with online) So they have a list of things for me when I see them, but it's manageable.

If you do talk to her DS it's probably worth asking if PIP has been applied for abc maybe offering to help with that