MIL

[redkite27]

I would love some advice please. My lovely MIL has now been diagnosed and seems to have gone downhill with her memory loss quick rapidly, to the point where she can't be alone at her house.

My DH has 3 siblings and thus far a lot of the support for MIL has fallen to my SIL, as she moved MIL to live 5 mins from hers, so that she could support her.

It has now been decided that MIL will spend time (a few days) at each siblings house on a rota system, to ensure that she isn't left home alone and has company/ spends time with her beloved grandchildren etc.

I am not sure if this is best for her because I feel that being in different houses will be more confusing but she is my MIL, so I am leaving it to DH and his siblings to decide what is best.

I would like some advice about how best to support her and look after her when she stays with us?

Some symptoms for context -
Memory loss
Repeating the same story numerous times, in quick succession
Very convincingly telling us things such as she is moving countries etc
Accusing individuals of stealing from her
Etc

Thank you in advance

Sorry, I think this is a terrible idea. She'll be hugely confused by it. She needs routine, not constant disruption.

What support does she actually need? Help with meals etc, or full-time supervision? If the latter, how will each house provide this - do you all have someone home (and not working from home!) during the day?

It is never a good idea to remove someone with Alzheimer’s from their known environment as it will increase their confusion and cause them to become distressed. This is why when someone with Alzheimer’s in hospital will become very confused and their cognition often deteriorates significantly.
There are all sorts of tech that is useful for supporting people with Alzheimer’s to remain safely in their own home such as falls monitors, door sensors, tracking devices in case they get lost.
If she needs daily support you can get carers in. If she has over £23,250 in savings she will need to self fund carers. Make sure Attendance Allowance is being claimed to help towards paying for this. If she has under the above figure, you can contact Adult Social care and ask for a Care Act assessment. This will determine how much she is able to do for herself and what she needs support with. She will have to have a financial assessment to determine how much she pays towards the cost of her care.

That will make things far worse. She needs routine in a familiar environment. Are the LPAs in place? Has AA been applied for? Is she self funding? Has this course of action been decided for financial reasons as it is most definitely not in her best interests to pass her from pillar to post. What happens with regard to GP? Are you all in the same GP catchment? I would suggest that whoever is in charge spends a bit of time researching dementia care, plenty of info here https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/ and here https://www.dementiauk.org/ .

I am not sure if this is best for her because I feel that being in different houses will be more confusing but she is my MIL, so I am leaving it to DH and his siblings to decide what is best.

I would like some advice about how best to support her and look after her when she stays with us

I really, really feel for you. I think you understand that this is not in the best interests of your DMIL at all.

As others have said already, changing environment just once can cause cognitive decline. Moving her constantly is a recipe for disaster.

Has your DH agreed to this?

Who will be cooking her meals, doing her laundry and doing help much to engage socially whilst she's with you?

Why can't she stay in her own home, which would be familiar to her?

That's such a bad idea. She'll be permanently upset and disorientated