Hi All!
I've posted before about my Nan's house sale to pay for her dementia care.
Nan went into a lovely, small, private home, in March 2023, having been diagnosed in 2020, in the midst of Covid and following a two-year battle with Stage IV Bowel Cancer.
My mum kept an eye on her at home, cooked, cleaned, did the shopping, went to her house to let her back in in the early hours when the police found her out wandering, went to all of the appointments with her, dealt basically with all and everything. Nan had several bouts of illness; pneumonia, covid, sepsis, the lot. I live 150 miles away, my aunt (her other daughter) about 70 miles, my mum and brother locally. We all gathered about four times to say our goodbyes. Each time she rallied.
There have been no major illnesses since going into the home. Up until about 4 months ago, she was 'ok'. Mobile, eating, drinking, laughing. she lost her memory of all of us largely, but had moments where she was quite lucid. She then went through a bit of an angry, shouty stage, then became physically aggressive and we thought we might have to move her. However, her dementia specialists were lovely and changed her medication, which helped.
She kept on the slow cognitive decline, then lost a lot of her mobility. She was put on 'comfort rest' about 2 weeks ago, and so stayed in bed, other than to be wheeled into the shower.
I spoke to her 6 days ago, on the phone when my mum was visiting. It wasn't a conversation, but she responded to talking about food "Oh yes, I could do with some mince pies" - that kind of thing. She sounded tired.
Mum called me Saturday to say Nan has stopped swallowing - she will chew food but then it goes to the front of her mouth, and any liquid dribbles out. Her GP is going tomorrow to consent to her medications being stopped, other than the morphine patches she has.
It's time now, isn't it? I am due to go down Saturday, but I fear the chances of her being with us by then are slim. My mum has told me not to worry about going down beforehand, there's nothing that can be done.
So here's the conflict: We didn't have a great relationship. There were good times, marred by very bad ones, She could be spiteful and narky, but also sweet and oddly caring. She wasn't affectionate, but that just wasn't in her nature. My 'Nan' as I knew her, has been gone for a while, all that is there is an old lady, trying her best to slip away peacefully. I just don't know whether to go down and say goodbye one last time, or to wait until the weekend, and if she's still with us, go and sit with her then.
Equal parts of me say stay and go - see what the GP says tomorrow (mum will be there) and perhaps go after that? Go tonight? I mean, I don't know if she's taking any fluid on board at all, but if she isn't, she can't survive much longer, can she?
Sorry for the miserable post - I have nowhere else to vent!