How do I broach the subject with mum that I think she’s showing signs of early dementia

[Breathedeeper]

My mum is 72 and has nearly all the signs of early dementia - can’t think of the word she wants to say, mood swings and being bad-tempered, lack of mobility, unsteadiness and stiffness in legs, some short term memory loss.

I want to gently talk to her about this and suggest she see her GP, but her emotional fragility, brought on by depression and generally being in poor health are making me hesitate.

It will be myself and my sister who look after her if she does develop dementia so some discussion needs to be had around the practicalities of her care, living arrangements and so on. But also perhaps things that can be done in the short term that might delay or possibly even reverse the process (if that’s possible?).

What’s the best way to go about this?

Nothing at all will reverse the process. Dementia drugs can certainly help slow the progress down but we are nowhere near being able to reverse prion damage at this stage in research sadly.

Before you do anything at all I would get power of attorney in place, its a nightmare to put it in place after the person has lost capacity.

I also wouldnt mention dementia, I would encourage her to go and see her GP due to her feeling low and forgetful and let the GP bring it up. If its come from the doctor rather than you, it will come across much better. You can always call the doctor before your appointment and flag it up as a concern.

I have just taken my grandad to the GP with similar concerns. As part of the appointment she gave him a memory test and will do the same in a few months.

Some of his answers really shocked me to be honest - he got the year wrong by miles and said it was 1994! - but she reassured us it was only a mild impairment at this point and nothing out of the ordinary for his age. So it might not be all bad news at this stage.

Just to add he has been on a low dose of mirtazapine, and she has increased that to see if it helps.

As pp said, get all the legal stuff sorted ASAP. Both PoAs, letter of wishes and Will. Talk to her about how she views getting older and what support she may need. Make sure her finances are ok and she's in receipt of everything she's entitled to. You'd be surprised how little thought people actually give this.

As part of that process, you may be able to persuade her to go for a healthcheck. Ask her if she's OK to have you added to her GP system so they can speak to you independently. This will allow you to raise your concerns and they will be able to discuss specifics with you.

I would suggest she sees the GP about the leg stiffness because she might accept that's where something the GP can help with. Then send an email to the GP outlining your concerns and they are the real reason you have persuaded her to see them. Go along if you can because it's the only way you'll find out what the GP actually said/ make sure they focus on the right issue.

This advice is invaluable.

These are all great suggestions, and much appreciated. Getting her to the GP is a good first step, and I think letting it come from the GP rather than me (if they feel it is early dementia), is the best way. And I think I’ll be able to bring up power of attorney and writing a will fairly easily as it’s something she has mentioned needing to sort out in the recent past. Thanks again.

My mum would blow a gasket if she thought we were saying she had memory problems. So we emailed the Gp and told the gp our concerns. We then told her she had to go for a Healthcheck that all elderly people have. She accepted it. We went and he did a short memory test, and then referral to a memory clinic.
you will need to get your ducks in a row and sort out power of attorney, her will, and also her wishes.
good luck as it’s not easy 💐

Agree with trying to get her to let you apply for POS for both Health and Finance first.