My parents are old, 83 and 89. I'm pretty sure my mum has dementia, my dad probably does as well. My mum has huge memory gaps. She can't remember recent things, eg she forgets content of an ongoing conversation, and also can't remember specific things or people during a timescale of around 20 years, eg she got notification that a woman she used to know had died, but she couldn't remember her. My dad is also becoming forgetful although not as apparent as for my mum.
It's been noticeable for about two years although thinking back with my mum the signs were there during covid but I put them down to other things.
Neither will accept any help. I go there once a week, do bits around the house and garden, sort out household contracts. I live 2 hours away.
They don't need help in the house but do in the garden, to my mind, but they won't employ a gardener.
My dad recognises he's not safe to drive now; my mum doesn't but I've give her key to my dad and when she asks where it is we say "I don't know" and she forgets about it.
Although objectively speaking they are declining and would I think meet criteria for adult social services assessment for help they won't countenance this and mostly they rumble along ok. Where one fails the other will pick up. Or I will. There's the odd drama to deal with, they both mislay phones and can't get to grips with technology, they don't always understand encounters with new people, but I sort those out when I'm there. Neither are in danger, I think.
I have spoken to their surgery about them and flagged my concern, but there's been no assessments or anything.
Should I be doing more? Or is it ok at this stage to leave it? I feel like I'm waiting for the axe to fall. Also that I'm being lax. But their house is clean and secure, they have friends and activities and they're happy, mostly. I don't want to rock the boat by insisting on intervention that they categorically don't want.