When to Step Back

[fridayfundayday]

Hello. Just wanting some advice or if anyone has been in this situation. In a nutshell:

In the past not a great relationship with most family members. My Dad was diagnosed with Alzhiemer's five years ago. Stuff went on in my childhood which I am resentful for and have held me back. I felt I couldn't not help and feel sorry for the state my parent is in.

Other family members have left it up to me to put things in place over the years. If I ask them to help excuses are made and I know it won't get done. Father had been awkward and I have ended up having to get deputyship for finances only.

No breaks away or holidays over the last 5 years. Having to take time off work to sort all sorts of things out that carers can't do as parent wouldn't downsize into a more manageable property years ago.

Now social services are involved about certain things. It is passive aggressive checking up on things as I don't have POA for health matters. I feel guilty that I have been working long hours and have had weekends where I can't bear to be in my Dad's house although I've made sure all health appointments etc have been done.

Is it time to step back? I'm so tired of everything and the battles with healthcare professionals that have waste my time with things.

Dad may have to go into care eventually but that will be a whole other can of worms to deal with that will again effect my physical and mental health.

I don't want anything to do with the family when Dad passes away although I am not wishing him dead and want the best for him as I would with anyone with this awful disease

Step back. You have your hands full already. It's a massive job trying to do anything for someone who is resisting it. Tell social services you don't have health POA and they will need to work out how to handle him themselves.

Yes step back. Tell the SE that you can no longer look after him. All your services are now withdrawn. It's hard and you'll have to stay firm but it's the only want to get them to take you seriously

My daughter works in social services for the elderly. They step away all the time family or friends are on the scene. Her advice is:- Ring social services and say you no longer will be able to deal with X.
stop answering social service calls - this goes down as’no contact made’. They will then step in and take over.
it’s hard to do, but for your own health, you need to step back from care.

How are you @fridayfundayday?

Just wondering how things were going @fridayfundayday? Came across this thread as am being expected to fulfil the carer role in similar circumstances and trying to understand what we can/can't and shouldn't commit to.

I hope you are OK?

@fridayfundayday - sorry for the late reply. I was trying to have an enjoyable Saturday and now there are new concerns. I have made social services aware of the concerns but they seem slow to respond.

I think I will have to ring them on Monday again. I know I sound selfish but I am fed up of all this and feeling anxious all the time

Didn't want to read and run. Am sorry to hear this. And that it is still unresolved. I hope you get some time to unwind over the weekend before it all starts again on Monday.