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Dementia and Alzheimer's

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Worried about friend

2 replies

LDfriend · 17/09/2024 17:23

I've had a long-term (23y) long-distance friend - emails, calls, visits, Zooms. Great rapport - very close emotionally. Never had problems or tensions.

Last week-end she came to town and we had lunch with her DP, DS/DDIL and their DCs 8 and 6. She casually revealed something complicated, private and tbh rather painful about my private life! I was shell-shocked. It was totally inappropriate, especially in front of the DCs. I didn't react, made light of it as best I could, and the lunch was otherwise warm and happy.

The morning after she messaged to say what a nice afternoon it was and asking to set up a Zoom. I responded, but she mixed up the dates she had given me as well as the date of an upcoming trip I had indicated.

Now I remember that during our last Zoom she told me that a long-standing friend had had a go at her about something she did.

At first I was just very angry, but the social inappropriateness, the confusion about the dates, and the difficulty with the other friend are, taken together, very concerning to me. I know that dementia starts insidiously, and in the beginning only those closest to the person are aware. I could mention something to her DP, whom I'm also close to, but of course it's very delicate.

Just wanted to talk about this - thanks for listening. xx

OP posts:
Gonners · 17/09/2024 18:22

Bearing in mind that you know her DP well, I would have a word with him. He may have noticed in which case, as you're also close to him, it might be a relief to have it confirmed. And if he hasn't, it will be a heads-up to keep an eye on her.

I say this because my DP has (fairly recently diagnosed) Alzheimers and an acquaintance (a retired clinician) told me recently that she had noticed him becoming increasingly short-tempered and impatient in his role as a volunteer, to the point of shouting at people. She apologised profusely for not mentioning it at the time, but it was about a week before the first Covid lockdown and we didn't see each other for ages.

Knowing sooner that he wasn't just grumpy, bored and impatient would have helped.

LDfriend · 17/09/2024 18:28

Many thanks,@Gonners. I think I will have a word.

Sending support to you - it's not an easy road, is it ...

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