Alzheimer's can do one...

[Marylou62]

I'm sitting in my car outside my Darling, wonderful, kind, gentle, caring Mum's care home in tears because she's just slapped one of the lovely staff..C..right round the face...hard..

I'm gutted for the staff member ..

I'm gutted for my DM. (She'd be devastated and absolutely horrified if she 'knew' she'd done this).

I'm gutted for myself that this is the way she is now.
(every visit she's losing some of her true self and becoming more intolerant and aggressive)

It's devastating to witness...
I was right there and it was completely out of the blue.. DM just launched herself at C.

I tried to apologise to C and explain that this wasn't my mum..she was lovely and consoled me! I was trying not to cry but couldn't help myself..

I've just left my DM muttering under her breath about C..

C's crime? Yesterday my DM had soiled herself and was trailing poo behind her...C had to 'encourage' Mum to get cleaned up and put on clean clothes...

As I said.. Alzheimer's can absolutely s*d off...
Thank you for listening and sorry for the ramble..

I'm so sorry op, it is an absolutely awful disease.
Similar situation with my lovely mil, I rant and cry equally, it's very cruel and unfair, she wouldn't want to be like this.

A ghastly illness. My lovely father in law is now bedbound and speechless but went through a violent stage and it was distressing for everyone.

Thoughts are with you and your mum, and C, who sounds brilliant.

Agree. DFIL in hospital today, who can do absolutely nothing for him that oral antibiotics couldn't have fixed 3 days ago. They'll start muttering about discharge on Monday, by which time he will have deconditioned enough to finish off any semblance of mobility and will probably have a spot of hospital acquired delerium. Home to frail MIL in her late 80s and the odd visit from (lovely) carers. It makes me weep.

My dad did something similar he tried to headbut his carer when she was getting him ready for bed. He never sleeps as he's in so much pain, and it makes him really unpleasant. Totally out of character. It's such a cruel disease.

I'm so sorry. My mum went through a violent and aggressive stage too.

C sounds very caring, and she has probably encountered this kind of behaviour before.
You too sound like a great daughter. I'm sorry this has happened, the disease is truly awful.

This bloody awful disease is a bastard - no apologies for my language. My husband, one of the gentlest men you would ever meet, gave me a right black eye out of the blue when I went to wipe his mouth, no warning just a smack. Another time he bit my arm when I did the same thing. I always told him what I am going to do but never knew what was going to happen.
He is now in a Nursing Home and I told them what he did but they told me not to worry about what he might do - if he does they will cope as that what what they do. These carers are Saints in my eyes.

I'm so very very sorry that all of you are dealing with this too..

Let me tell you about my Mum..

She was an amazing mother and I can honestly say (apart from mild teenage angst) we never ever had rows or fell out.

She was a Modern Matron on the Community Nurses Team, one of the highest qualified nurses in the NHS and so well thought off.

She was gentle and kind and so sunny and funny!

Every time that (great but so sad and devastatingly true) TV advert about dementia/Alzheimer's comes on I cry.
She was a wonderful Grandma and became a Great Grandmother last year..
She asks after 'the baby'.

She was married to my Dad for over 60yrs and my Dad died last year absolutely heartbroken about Mum going into a care home..

C is lovely and usually Mum 'allows' her to do personal care.

It was such a shock and so violent and quick..

C reassured me that Mum will forget and be her loving self by today..
I'm so very very thankful that Mum's care home is so good and understanding.
(I'm not naive and know it's not perfect)

Thank you for letting me tell you about my wonderful Mum.

Sending a big hug. Your post made me cry.
i was you several years ago. Mum died in 2018 after six long years battling dementia. She was violent and aggressive and spent some time in an inpatient psychiatric facility after being sectioned. It was so hard keeping myself together as she attacked me and spat in my face..and my poor disabled dad just went to pieces and didn’t know what on earth to do or say.
i was sad when she died but also relieved, which was hard to reconcile.
This bit is sheer hell. I hope you have someone who can hold you tight and let you cry..because that’s sometimes all you can do. 💐

EdnaMole..
I'm so sorry..
When people asked how I was after my Dad died I replied that it was actually a relief..He was very poorly for years..

But I'm actually devastated about what is happening to mum...

💐 my mum went through a very racist phase for a few days in her final months. She'd have been absolutely horrified if she was her normal self. It's devastating. I hope something takes me off quicker.

What I would like to say - it is worst when it is your husband or wife and not your parent IMO - I have lived with my husband for 60 years and my parents for maybe 20, and was in and out of their lives until they died,

I am so sorry for you, your poor mum and C (dementia carers are angels).

Your post has me in tears. Your mum sounds like she was a wonderful woman. You have also just described my mum too. Kind, gentle, caring and always thoughtful of others before herself. She (and all other sufferers) didn't deserve to get this wicked disease and we didn't deserve to have to spend years watching those we love the most suffering so badly.

My dh worked with a gentle giant. A wonderful man who was best mates with all his work colleagues and a kind and caring guy but Alzheimer's was like an evil possession for him. In a demented fit of rage he broke his poor wife's jaw. A woman he'd been happily married to for 60 years. People unaffected by dementia truly have no idea of it's capability to destroy lives.

I so agree with you. Alzheimer's can do one.

I understand. I feel the same about my wonderful Mum. It’s heartbreaking to lose them like this. She’d be devastated if she came back as her normal self and saw the situation. We are doing our very best for her ´while trying to hold on to our own sanity.