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Dementia and Alzheimer's

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Frail mum with dementia and alcohol issues

11 replies

RonnieC1971 · 23/07/2024 08:57

Hi all. My mum has an issue with alcohol. She has drunk for as long as I can remember but the last few years have been very problematic. She is 80 and has early onset dementia. She has had regular falls due to a combination of drinking with her increased frailty. She recently fell down the stairs and ended up in hospital for 5 weeks. She hated the hospital experience but she ate well and took her meds (mostly). Combined with no drinking and bed rest she ended up much healthier. She came home and didn't drink for about 2-3 weeks but has started drinking again recently.

There is a local shop which she can just about get to but she has fallen coming back from here. We have lasting power of attorney now. Can we stop the shop from selling to her? I asked AGE UK and they thought the shop manager could do this at their discretion.

Besides the health issues for her, it makes her very unpleasant to be around. Me and my sister have helped her a lot but it is really difficult when she drinks and is abusive. We are reaching the end of the line with her drinking.

Although we are really understanding of her dementia, the fact she wasn't a great mum when we were younger means it is very hard for us to separate/compartmentalize any dementia related behaviour that is abusive towards us.

She is in total denial it is a problem and seems unable to accept that the drinking has led to, and will lead to further falls and hospitalisations. Obviously, her dementia is an issue here too.

It is unlikely she would attend an explicit session for alcoholism, but I thought you might be able to advise or point me in the direction of help with this dealing with this matter.

OP posts:
NoBinturongsHereMate · 23/07/2024 09:57

It would certainly be worth asking the shop. At worst, they say no.

BTW, at 80 I suspect you mean 'early stage' rather than 'early onset'. I don't say that just to be a pedant but because having the right terms can help.with finding the right support services.

Are you in touch with the Alzheimer Society? Despite the name they deal with all types.of dementia. How useful they are seems to vary by area, but they can be very good indeed.

Wolfpa · 23/07/2024 12:55

Would see notice the difference with a non alcoholic alternative? A friends mum struggled with not drinking red wine. They started putting Ribena in a red wine bottle for her and it has worked out really well. Mums happy as she gets her routine in winding down with a glass/ bottle of red in an evening but it minimises some of the sun downing symptoms that she was getting when drinking alcohol.

Orangesandlemons77 · 23/07/2024 13:00

I was reading an article about someone in a similar situation, they managed to replace wine with no alcohol wine.

Alcohol can contribute to dementia as well.

BlackShuck3 · 23/07/2024 13:00

Wolfpa · 23/07/2024 12:55

Would see notice the difference with a non alcoholic alternative? A friends mum struggled with not drinking red wine. They started putting Ribena in a red wine bottle for her and it has worked out really well. Mums happy as she gets her routine in winding down with a glass/ bottle of red in an evening but it minimises some of the sun downing symptoms that she was getting when drinking alcohol.

Sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time op🙏🏻🙁
This suggestion seems worth a go. Can you replace her favorite tipple with something which tastes the same but has no alcohol in it?

Wendycoping · 23/07/2024 13:02

I'm sorry you are left dealing with an alcoholic family member who caused you trauma in your past. Please look after yourselves and I can recommend Al Anon if you'd like some emotional support.

Wendycoping · 23/07/2024 13:03

I'm afraid there isn't really a lot you can do apart from considering specialist dementia care. Does she own her house?

Orangesandlemons77 · 23/07/2024 13:33

What about carers coming in, could they help with it perhaps? maybe get a meal delivery service which means she doesn't need to go to the shop? Doe she get attendance allowance, it can help pay for this. Also look at the council tax exemption for dementia.

She might start to forget about it with the dementia? best wishes, sounds hard

Orangesandlemons77 · 23/07/2024 13:33

Wendycoping · 23/07/2024 13:02

I'm sorry you are left dealing with an alcoholic family member who caused you trauma in your past. Please look after yourselves and I can recommend Al Anon if you'd like some emotional support.

There is a good site for this called out of the fog, has a section for those with elderly parents too.

RonnieC1971 · 08/08/2024 09:16

Thanks all for your replies. Sorry for lateness. Been a crazy two weeks topped off by my mum almost setting her house on fire last night, so we have to do something more drastic now....probably a home.

OP posts:
RappersNeedChapstick · 10/08/2024 08:04

How are you today @RonnieC1971? Sending a very unMN virtual hug. A DFriend has been through very similar and I've seen the toll on her.

Where are you at now? Does she have a SW and are they doing an urgent Care Needs Assessment?

RappersNeedChapstick · 10/08/2024 09:52

Just to add that my DF thought her "D"Ms alcohol problems would stop when she could no longer leave the house but it turned out that she'd persuaded her gardener to bring it in for her Angry

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