Clothing issues

[Stressybetty]

MIL lives with us, age 79 has vascular dementia around stage 6. Was managing with tena pads and hiding her overspills, once we realised we changed her to disposable pants a few months ago. She hovers over the loo causing drips and mess on the floor. Hoards loo roll but rarely uses it and doesn't flush it. Occasionally wipes herself on her towel, flannel, dressing gown etc rather than use loo roll. Left to her own devices she'll get up and put clean clothes on top of her existing ones at any time early morning. Then a daily battle getting her undressed washed and changed. Also was hiding clothes, cutting the sleeves off jumpers and wiping her bum on them, (we found the dirty stuff under her pillow). To counteract this we threw a lot out and bought simpler light jogging sets with t shirts underneath and stored them out of her room. It makes it easier to go in with a fresh outfit and guide her through changing etc. Now she gets up and complains she has no clothes every single day. Tonight she found a pile of them, took them in her room and started hanging them up. She just denies absolutely everything and I'm fed up of explaining every day why her clothes aren't in her room. Not sure whether to leave just a few things in maybe but the thought of going back to her old ways is worrying. At least kept separately I know things are clean. Now it'll be her arguing that she's already 'dressed'. Not really sure what I'm asking, just any tips or similar issues really?

Firstly, you are doing a good job in difficult circumstances. Secondly, you need to get some help now.
Having worked in a dementia unit I read your post with sadness, its clear that you've been left to struggle through without any of the knowledge that would help you understand more.
She isn't denying things in a deliberate way, she genuinely doesn't remember them. It's not an argument about her already being dressed, she is already dressed, she doesn't have the processing ability to follow the functional norm of clean vs dirty clothes, they are all clothes. She was hiding clothes because she didn't understand what was happening to her and to her clothes, hiding them made the scary strange things go away.
Vascular dementia is horrendous, more so for the family as they are experiencing the loss of that person while they are to a certain extent unaware of the changes in themselves.
You need to speak to a social worker and get carers in to help you, you won't survive this without support

Thanks, we have spoken to adult social services but are not ready to go down that route yet. Think I just need to calm down and go with it. I'm in peri as well which doesn't help. Today she got up and changed into new clothes herself albeit without changing her pants and had a happy hour or two folding and re arranging the few clothes she'd brought in her bedroom. Having her content is good and shows me that I need to relax around her and stop trying to control things. It's only washing clothes after all. For now DH is full time carer and I'm wfh 40% but applying for 100% or as near as I can. I spent years caring for my DM with Alzheimer's and didn't really want to go through it again but we're managing I think. Has helped to get it out though