Cleaning the house when she's refusing the cleaner

[Hecho]

Hi, my mum isn't able/can't remember to clean her house. She agreed to a cleaner, visiting weekly, last autumn. After the first couple of times my mum would insist she didn't need to clean and stop for a coffee instead. Now she's saying she doesn't need the cleaner to come at all. This lady is lovely, and has done her best, but has asked if she wants us to continue as she can't clean without upsetting mum. I can do what I can, my brother too, but I'm away a lot, and he has a demanding job so this sin't a long term solution. Has anyone faced this, or have any suggestions? My mum is tricky if she doesn't get her way, and believes she is doing everything as normal. Thanks so much

It's so hard getting someone with dementia to accept help. She accepted her at first but is now trying to regain some control. Can you/the cleaner negotiate a compromise? "Your windows are hard for you to reach. How about she comes once a fortnight to clean the windows and have a quick cup of tea?" If you can get Mum to accept that, then the cleaner can build up slowly. "Next week, I'll clean the oven/empty the hoover/take you to the shops, then we'll have a quick cup of tea."

Thanks, I appreciate your ideas. I'll see if we can incorporate this. I think slowing down from once a week to every other week might be helpful. Hoping you're ok too : )

In desparation, I once took my Dm to the sea-side for the day. During this visit, 3 cleaners spring cleaned the house.

when we got back, the house was spotless. Such bliss.

DM didn’t notice!

I was going to suggest getting her out of the house if you can. DFIL hasn't got Dementia but will follow his cleaners.

I was going to suggest getting her out if the house if you can. DFIL hasn't got Dementia but they can't clean because she follows them around wanting a chat. Then complains that they haven't done much!

The only times he's happy with how much they've cleaned is when we've either taken him out or visited whilst the cleaner is there so he can chat to us instead.

Is there an activity that she regularly goes to?

I second the suggestion of getting her out of the house whilst the cleaner is there. With my grandma, something that worked for a while was telling her that it was to help the cleaner as she really needed the work. It worked until gran got a bit further gone, and then anyone strange to her frightened her, and unfortunately she wasn’t yet used enough to the cleaner to remember her.

Sorry I didn't realised I'd done the first post.

Thanks everyone, all the comments resonate with our situation (wanting a chat, following them round, saying the cleaner doesn't do much and they can do it themselves!). I think we'll also try the "they need the money" angle, that might help. She doesn't do a regular activity, she's not one of life's 'joiners', but we'll try and work something around getting her out when we can. Enjoy your Sunday 😊