Difficult visit today

[Thighdentitycrisis]

Mum declining and also seems depressed (suffered from that all her life). I’m just feeling helpless.

Shes living alone at home with 3 carer visits per day. She’s so miserable like this but refusing the other option (home we took her to visit once she liked it) saying she doesn’t like being alone but doesn’t want to be with people either.

My parting words were along the lines of ‘ I can see you’re not very happy but there’s nothing I can do to help you, see you next time’ I’m feeling rubbish leaving like that.

Just having a moan,

💐 I could have written this myself 🥺
My Mum lives alone. Her memory has been declining for about 5 years but following a stroke in Feb it’s got worse and she doesn’t want to do any of the things she used to - reading, jigsaws, dancing, playing solitaire on her phone.
I have put everything in place to make sure she’s safe but she doesn’t want anyone coming in to check in her. I live overseas and I’m an only child so the guilt is horrendous 🥺
sending you a big hug xx

This is such a hard road, OP.
I wonder if you could find a pretext to check in very soon (tonight?) about something - whatever applies to her - you remembered a tv show she might like, you're wondering when "x" is going to happen, just something to make a more positive connexion than the one you left with today. It might help her, and I think you'll feel a bit better.

I have this from my Mum too and agree it's so hard. Complaining of being lonely but simultaneously refusing to do anything about it.

I assume you know about day centres and other 'social' events like that and they're either not appropriate or been refused?

If not, get her referred to "Social Prescribing" in her area. They will be able to provide suggestions as well as help to get her there.

Thanks for your replies and support, ans sympathy for those going through the same. Yes she goes out twice per week to day centre and one other activity plus family visits.

There is nothing else you can do then. You have done your best. Please try and tell yourself that.

(PS very easy to give the advice and very hard to actually do I know!)

I’m sorry op, it’s shit. She’ll continue to decline that’s the nature of this horrible illness. You’ll likely need to put her in a home at some point as carers won’t be enough (we finally had to bite that bullet when my mum started wandering at night with the police bringing her to my siblings house). You are doing your best - there’s literally nothing else you can do. Do take care of yourself as well op.