How to manage small children and dementia parent at same time

[OnePearlGuide]

Hi, I live thousands of miles from my parents and so we rarely see each other. I've only seen my parents 3 times over the last 4 years.

This is one of the rare times that we're spending together and I'm trying hard to make it nice and special as it might be one of (if not, the last) time my children (2 and 5) spend time with their grandfather - while he has some cognitive functioning. But the chaos of young children is not working well for my dad's confusion and agitation. And my mum is finding it so hard as she desperately wants to spend time with her only grandchildren but also has to manage my dad at the same time. I feel overwhelmed. I'm generally overwhelmed by my kids needs at normal times, but trying and failing to help my parents is pushing me to the edge.

I don't want to be counting down the days til the visit ends. Does anyone have any practical tips to make this a better trip?

Are you there alone with the DC? How would your Mum be if you asked her to take them both to the park so that you could do something with your DF, like look at old photos?

Does your DF have a friend/relative/carer who can sit with him whilst you take out your DM?

Are you staying with your DPs in their house? How would you feel about moving to a hotel/similar for a few days. Make it into an adventure for the DC but then visit your DPs during the day for shorter amounts of time, or go out for garden centre type lunch or National Trust place. I know my relatives with dementia would have struggled with having young DC around full time.