Advice and help please

[Loveliesbhhfd]

Please be gentle with me, we're going through a lot.

My MIL is 90, she's been married to FIL 87 for 65 years. In the last 5 or so years there has been a noticeable difference to her demeanor, memory ect. At first it was nothing much, just put it down to old age ect. Gradually it became more consistent and noticeable. Such as thinking I'm her son's second wife (I'm the one and only) and looking forward to Christmas when Christmas was a month ago ect. MIL is also quite deaf but refuses to have her hearing checked/wear a hearing aid.

They live in Ottawa, Canada. The health system is different to NHS, they are registered at a medical practice, but cannot access a doctor. If they need medication treatment it's either a walk in centre where they have to wait for hours or A&E.

MIL refuses to seek medical attention/help, doesn't believe that she's had issues with her memory.

About a week ago, she became convinced that FIL had cheated on her, that he had left the house at 10.15pm when he hadn't. For 4 days she kept accusing him, shouting/screaming, ignoring him, giving him the silent treatment. MIL also accused her own daughter of conspiring, and hiding the cheating.This all led to to her slapping him across the face. FIL was so upset and bereft. The next day, she's back to normal, has completely forgotten everything, isn't accusing him anymore.

FIL had asked his daughter who lived in Canada not to tell anyone else. She's told the rest of the family because it has really shocked and upset her. I also think FIL has been hiding other incidents, because he doesn't want us to know/feels like we are going to interfere. FIL feels like he can handle it, but out of both of them, his health is the worst. A few months ago he fell in the kitchen and couldn't get up for an hour, he was shouting and MIL couldn't hear and wasn't wondering where he was (because she's not always aware of what's going on)so she see

We've suggested alarms, carers, social care support, done research and sent it to them, so they can contact the local relevant services..but they don't want to do anything.

I'm just wondering what might happen next?

[WeeOrcadian]

I have no advice, just a gentle hug and a hopeful bump ((O))

[Carpediem15]

To be honest there is not much else you can do if they won't help themselves especially as they are so far away and just hope nearby family will help with this.
My MIL was the same and after lots of discussion and worrying about her we just had to let her get on with it (we lived 4 hours away) and just rang her every evening.
My husband has diagnosed Parkinsons and dementia so I arrange everything for him without asking and even that is not easy.

[ShrubRose]

You may have already done this, but I if not, I would suggest contacting the local Alzheimer's Disease Society.
https://alzheimer.ca/on/en?_ga=2.246781892.1150363395.1711367719-588646657.1711367718&_gl=1wi437c_gaNTg4NjQ2NjU3LjE3MTEzNjc3MTg._ga_NFR6ZNF0JS*MTcxMTM2NzcxOC4xLjEuMTcxMTM2Nzc0Mi4wLjAuMA..
They will probably be able to guide you on the local procedures for managing Alzheimer's disease sufferers who are a danger to themselves and are refusing care.

[CadyEastman]

From our experience hiding the real situation seems pretty normal.

Does your DSIL live close to them?

[Loveliesbhhfd]

Yes she lives in Ottawa