Family conflict

[Cathy2024]

Hi. My mother is 87 has diabetes and middle to late stage dementia. She lives in assisted living so basically on her own. Carers should go in every 2 hours but this isn’t always possible as they are short staffed. Mom has had quite a few problems recently healthwise. My sister and I shower her and do her meals plus the washing. We have a brother that helps every so often. So I think the best thing for my mom is for her to go into full time care for her own safety. sister does not agree. Brother is on the fence. We all work and have power of attorney so it’s not always possible to go as often as I could. We know it would be expensive as mom is self funding but the money is there for her to be looked after properly. Sorry for long post but thanks for reading

[MrsSkylerWhite]

I completely agree with you. Older people deserve professional care, not carers who may or may not turn up and well-meaning but sometimes half-arsed attempts by relatives.
Care work is highly skilled.

[artfuldodgerjack]

Is your sister reluctant due to the costs? Is she worried about her inheritance?

[rookiemere]

Would she be able to remain in current accommodation if the carers came as frequently as they were meant to ?

[Cathy2024]

Thank you for your reply’s. Yes I’m almost sure it’s the money side of things. She doesn’t share bank statements with me or my brother either.

[artfuldodgerjack]

Unfortunately, the only way around this is for you and your brother to deny any care and leave it all to your sister. That way she will (hopefully!) realise that a care-home is the best option. And if you all have POA for financial (the type where you all have to agree) and she is being secretive about your mother's finances then maybe you should consider seeking help for financial abuse? See this for more information: www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/financial-abuse/

[CadyEastman]

I'm not sure how ethical this is but could you get your DM's post redirected to your address?